Abracadabra!

I recently went to Max Major's magic show, and he did a particular trick that got to me. Max told us it was a trick BEFORE he did it (which may be part of the trickery). So he took a newspaper and said: "I'm going to take this newspaper, and it's going to seem like I'm tearing it up, but when I drop the pieces to the ground, it will become apparent that I never tore it all." I'm thinking that he's ruining it, but then he commences to folding the newspaper and he starts tearing along the creases he made. I can seriously HEAR the ripping sounds. Then he makes a lazier fold and starts making jagged tears. I can SEE the edges of torn up paper (or so I think)...and he goes on folding, ripping, sounds continue to be made. At one point he tears across diagonally right through a photo, and I'm like THE PAPER IS TORN! But when he goes to drop the paper pieces...it's a a whole newspaper again.

I was astounded, and kept saying dumb things like: "How did he do that?! He tricked  me!" Beyond  that I paid good money to, in fact, be tricked, that statement was dumb because he did not trick me. He TOLD me flat out what was going to do. He was the creator of the trick; he was the person actually in control of the newspaper...yet I believed my eyes and ears over what he told me.

 Which leads me back to Hebrews 11 - Faith Hall of Fame continues.
  
I was all set to write about Abraham, but then I was tripped up by this: 

By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. 

 - Hebrews 11:11

My first thought was: What is she doing in here? If there's one thing we know...it is this: Sarah laughed. God TOLD Sarah that she would give birth to a son, and we know that Sarah didn't believe! She was super old and she trusted her senses over what the God of the universe told her. So what is she doing in the Hal of Fame?!  I'll come back to that.

I try to get inside what Sarah went through. When she first found out that she was going to have this amazing son, this seed of a nation...she had to have been so hype! She had to think: "and day now." Then a few years pass, no big deal. God does everything in HIS time. He's an on-time God. Then, a few more years pass and she starts worrying about her "last egg" but it's cool. God can preserve. And then...menopause. For Sarah, menopause had to have been like watching the paper get torn diagonally. You see now, that the gig is up! For you to present me with a whole newspaper at this point would be a miracle! We're often afraid to believe that God is in the business of miracles. Hope on that level is scary. Ellis Boyd said it best: 

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." 

After so many years, I think Sarah chose sanity. I don't even think she realized that her faith was broken, until God called her out on it. 

Then one of them [of the three angel messengers] said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.” Now Sarah was listening...Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.” But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.”

This returns me to: what is Sarah doing in here?! But, don't you see God re-ordering Sarah's thinking? This entire exchange was for Sarah. The messengers made sure that Sarah was nearby where she could hear before they spoke (Genesis 18:9), and they addressed her unbelief in order to eradicate it.

Is there anything too hard for the Lord? 

That is what Sarah needed to hear! She needed to be reminded of who was in control of her situation. God confronted Sarah with her doubt so that she could leave it in that tent. And Hebrews 11:11 tells me she did just that. She found faith again. Not in her body. Not in her "last egg".  Scripture says she considered God faithful. She didn't know how it was going to happen, but I believe that from that moment in the tent...her doubt was gone. And her faith put her in the hall of fame. Blessed.

Note: A part of me still believes he tore up that paper and somehow replaced it with an identical untorn paper...I have no idea what happened. For me it was incomprehensible. All I know is at the end he did what he told me he would do: he produced a newspaper in perfect condition.

Trust the magician. Be amazed.

Room in the Boat: Noah's Ark

This morning, June and I got up at 4:45am to get ready for sunrise service at the Lincoln Memorial. This is no easy feat. I'm a morning person, but I'm not a 4:45 in the morning person. I was grumpy, it was cold, but once I was out there I was moved by the thousands of people gathered to celebrate the risen Christ. There were thousands of people there celebrating the new covenant...and I thought about how it was in stark contrast to what happened with Noah. God made a covenant with Noah, and it ended with 8 people in a boat. Eight!

The Flood is an interesting story because it's always compared to now: destruction is coming; are you prepared? We focus a lot on the similarities; but I think the grace of God can be found in the differences: (links for Genesis 6:5-8 and Romans 5:6-8; Genesis 6:18 and John 3:16-17 in table)

 
I used to think that Noah was out their preaching his little heart out for 100 years warning people about the flood. But when God said "I will wipe them from the face of the earth" that was it. Judgment had been passed, but one found favor: Noah. The plan of salvation was given to Noah in the form of a blueprint for a big boat (see Genesis 6:14-16). But then the plan of salvation was limited.

As noted in the table, that boat was for Noah and his family alone. So warning them would be cruel, right? Whether he preached or not, it didn't take because Jesus said the people were completely oblivious:

For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. Matthew 24:38-39

However, now the plan of salvation is wide open (see John 3:16-17), which is why we are charged to,

go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. 

Matthew 28:19 - 20 

The messed up thing is...the oblivious part? That's where things are the same! They didn't know about the flood. Jesus said they didn't know! And people won't know about Jesus or His return:

That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. Matthew 24:40 - 41

That is the old-time version of: two accountants will be working in an office typing in excel spreadsheets; one will be taken and the other left. Why does this happen? Do you mean to tell me that the saved accountant never warned the other accountant? Don't be deceived, we have to preach the gospel, but know that the life you live for Christ in obedience to your faith also condemns people.

By faith Noah, being warned by God about things not yet seen, in reverence prepared an ark for the salvation of his household, by which he condemned the world, and became an heir of the righteousness which is according to faith. 

Hebrews 11:7 

Noah condemned the world? Just by building the ark? Noah's faith causes him to fearfully obey. And that obedience looked like the dumbest thing in the world. He was building a massive ark on dry land. There wasn't even a nearby ocean! Noah's life of faith was his testimony to the world. Likewise, your life is your testimony. People see you fearfully obeying God (by faith of course). And your obedience looks like the dumbest thing in the world. "Jesus is a myth", "There is no God...it's all a fairtytale." All those people have seen and heard, and yet...they don't know. Not at all prepared for a flood.

They see, but don't see. But thanks be to Jesus that the scope of salvation isn't still limited. Blind in the days of Noah was a death sentence. But Jesus came healing the blind. If you don't see, but you think there might be something there...seek it. Find it. Know it...because this time, there's room in the boat. 

Happy Easter!

Walking with God

I'm on staycation this week. I felt that I needed to take some time to revive my spirits which were weakened during the busy work season. Thought I'd have lunch with friends, clean my house, catch up on kdrama, get in a few good runs, go to yoga everyday...and that everything would be great.


It has sucked majorly. And today, I was feeling particularly wretched, and thought "I should pray" but instead I went for a run, thinking a good run would make me feel better. Clearly, I thought: run > prayer.

So God smote me.

Okay, okay. I don't know if God smote me for sure, but that definitely felt like what was happening. I was about 2.7 miles out when my legs were cramping, my stomach was cramping, and I had insane nausea. By far, the worst run ever. I saw other people in the park playing (of all things) lacrosse, and I thought: if I pretend to pass out right here, will they save me? I was contemplating all manner of rescues when I just crouched down on the side of the road and started doing what I should have done before I even left the house: praying. Praying that I make it home. Praying that the pain subsides. And it did. I made it home. And as soon as I got into the house: prayer.

But the real lesson was in the choice I'd made. And how I've made that choice a lot recently.  I'll think that there is something that will be more rewarding than relationship with God. Why do I say that? Because prayer is relationship with God and prayer has been difficult lately. If something is going wrong in my life, I'm on gchat or I'm on the phone talking to someone who I think needs to hear my cry, asking them to pray for me. Maybe God will hear them because I can't get a prayer through. If I get depressed I start thinking about what I need to busy myself with; I start thinking about where I should go, and what I should do...when my first stop should be on my knees. But my prayers had become so painful, that I avoided it, because I was starting to doubt the benefit in it.

But not Enoch.

By faith Enoch was taken up so that he would not see death; and he was not found because God took him up; for he obtained the witness that before his being taken up he was pleasing to God. And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. - Hebrews 11:5-6

Sometimes I don't believe in the benefit of seeking God. Which means sometimes something is WRONG with my faith. Which means sometimes I'm displeasing. I'm sometimey.

Enoch lived sixty-five years, and became the father of Methuselah. Then Enoch walked with God three hundred years after he became the father of Methuselah, and he had other sons and daughters.  So all the days of Enoch were three hundred and sixty-five years. Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him.  Genesis 5:21-24

This is all I have on Enoch. This! It's almost nothing. So little that I thought to skip Enoch. But it's just enough for me see Enoch got to a point where he was constant. Where his faith in the Lord was unwavering. The scripture says "then", which I take to mean that for 65 years, Enoch was like me. He was sometimey. But "Then Enoch walked with God 300 years." Three hundred years he faithfully walked with God. You've gone on walks with people before. Same pace. Same direction. If you stop to tie your shoes, the other person waits. It is relationship in motion. Enoch was in step with God. He didn't walk away, he didn't seek other sources of "fix it" because he believed that God is a rewarder. He understood the benefit of walking with God as opposed to walking alone, or walking with someone else. 300 years...no relapse. And I'm not saying he didn't do anything wrong. I can't know that (I only have 3 sentences). I'm saying that he had 300 years of unbroken faith. 

Actively believing and trusting God is so huge. Enoch did it and got something that wasn't even yet promised. Enoch never died. In Genesis! At the beginning of the book we find the precursors to the end:

"...and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:26

I might not know anything about Enoch, but I know this: He believed in things that Jesus implores his disciples to believe in. And in so doing...he was pleasing. This would be debilitating for me, because my first thought is: my faith is raggedy. But God gives each man a measure of faith (Romans 12:3) and scripture says we go from "faith to faith" (Romans 1:17). I like to think of it like levels and stages in a video game, where I fall off the cliff and it makes that little tragic sound. But then I play again and I jump over that cliff and keep going. Faith Level 1. Then I get eaten by a plant. LOL. But for real, then I kill that plant, and I keep going. Level 2. And I keep going.

And boom, 300 years have passed.

When Your Best Isn't Good Enough

I like to believe that if I put my head to it...I can accomplish anything. I like to think that if I try my absolute hardest everything will work out (in every area of life). For example:

You want a promotion? Come in early, leave late. Go that extra mile on every project. Create efficiencies where there was once chaos. Be a workplace superstar!

Are you tired of being single? Lose 10lbs, get your hair done/nails did, buy new clothes, and clear out the aisles of Sephora (if you're a girl). For guys, just get these things the arrows are pointing to-->*

I've done these things and ended up (1) laid off and (2) sitting at home on Friday nights watching French romcoms and eating chips and ice cream.

How can this be?!!

Long story short: Sometimes your best just isn't good enough.

I decided I would start a series on the Faith Hall of Fame, because I love Hebrews 11. The first hall-of-famer is Abel:

By faith Abel offered to God a better sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained the testimony that he was righteous 

Hebrews 11:4

Who are Cain and Abel? The sons of Adam and Eve, and this is how their story goes:

Abel was a keeper of flocks, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. So it came about in the course of time that Cain brought an offering to the Lord of the fruit of the ground. Abel, on his part also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and for his offering; but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard. So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.

Genesis 4: 3 - 5

Some say that Cain's sacrifice was rejected because it was of poor quality. But let's just take that off the table right now, because when I do crappy work, I know there is a possibility that it is going to be rejected/refused/sent back for revisions. My hope is that I can get over, but my reaction to failure-to-get-over is never rage. Rage comes when you feel like you have been played. Cain gave his best, and is flipping out because his best isn't good enough. So it begs the question:

For Real...Why is Cain's Sacrifice Rejected?

"Baaaaa-d Cain!"

I have to admit: I'm a Bible nerd.  So I was both shocked and elated to realize: this is a doozie! So, I'm open to your opinions if they differ from mine. 

Many commentaries that I have read, have said Cain's sacrifice was rejected because it was a blood-less sacrifice. Sooo...if Cain had thrown a dead sheep up there, everything would have been cool? I take issue with this for the following reasons:

1. Nowhere in the Bible does it say Cain's offering was rejected because it was blood-less. Nowhere does it say Abel's offering was accepted because it was an animal.
   
   
2. This is a somewhat legalistic view. It assumes that there is some type of rigid formula to pleasing God, some "rule" to be followed and that Abel was on board and Cain was a rule-breaker (thus rejected).
3. Abel is a keeper of flocks, so it makes sense for him to bring an animal. Cain is a tiller of the ground, so it makes sense for him to bring fruit. You can't convince me that Cain can go outside of his area of expertise and bring an animal offering as good as or better than Abel's. This point is 100% opinion, but I feel like God makes it clear that He wants us to work within our gifts (1 Peter 4:10, Romans 12:6).
4.  Contrary to popular belief, God is not in love with animal sacrifices:
   
   The multitude of your sacrifices--what are they to me?" says the LORD. "I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. Isaiah 1:11
   
   For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering.The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Psalms 51: 16-17

Cain's heart...scary isn't it?

So I have to go with the view that something in Cain's heart was not right. And beyond that, most importantly, because his heart wasn't right, and because FAITH works by love ( Galatians 5:6), it was impossible for Cain to please God (Hebrews 11:6). 

I love Hebrews 11, because it is talking about all the things that these people did by faith in order to be what? Pleasing! Hebrews 11 isn't about all the amazing and miraculous works you can do by faith. It's about understanding what is necessary in order to be pleasing...and that necessary thing is faith. Hebrews 11 is, shockingly, full of rule breakers...so it's not over a broken rule that Cain missed out on being called "friend of God." It's not because of a broken rule that Cain missed out on being counted as "righteous." Cain missed out because Cain's heart wasn't broken like the psalmist said, and when his offering was rejected we don't see contrition recorded on his face, rather we see the rage of someone who was confident in the "best that he could do"...never realizing that his best is never good enough.

Note: I'm not saying don't try. I'm not saying go and be a faith-filled villain (as if such existed). In truth, I don't know how NOT to try. I'm saying don't depend on your efforts and think they are the key to your acceptance. Don't look at everything you've done and think: "Wow. I'm am amazing Christian" because our God is not served with hands (Acts 17:25).

If my best could ever be good enough, there would be no cause for grace. And how do we get grace (that awesome stuff that saves us)?

...we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 

Romans 5:2

Go figure.



*Guys, for the purposes of this blog, we're going to pretend having those could fail to end your single days. However...that's probably not true. Those will work every time. I'm just saying.

Runner's High

 
I am a runner. I'm not hardcore and I'm not very fast--in fact my sister tells me that I run in "slow motion"--but technically I still count as a runner, since that is my core workout. For the past two years I have scoffed, yes scoffed at the idea of this "runner's high." In my book it was a myth.

I've waited for "runner's high" for the past two years expecting to just have this extreme burst of joy and feel like super amazing. I've never done drugs, but in my mind runner's high is a substitute for drugs. I wanted my head and body to be like "whoaaaa, these endorphins are like drugs!" For me, the runner's high was more about how I would feel than about what I could do. And so yesterday, as I was laughing the idea of runner's high to scorn, I thought: "what if I've had it, but didn't acknowledge it as such, because of my expectations?"

The most common thing runners say about runner's high is "I felt like I could run forever." They get to a point where something that was difficult is no longer difficult; pain ceases to be painful; and the place where you thought your limit was becomes a tiny dot on the horizon behind you. And when you're done running, you feel like a big deal.

I realized...I had this feeling, just a few nights ago.  Last Thursday night, I ran 5 miles on the treadmill after a particularly wretched day; a day that could only be described as a whirlwind of horrible. But when I was done running (which felt hard up until, but easy after, mile 3) I was dancing down the hallways of my apartment building. Runner's high: It's real. It's just not what I had expected.

There is some euphoria, but mostly, the runner's high enables you to keep going. And I started thinking: is there a such thing as spiritual runner's high?

I don't know. It's not for nothing that the bible repeatedly refers to the Christian walk as a race:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.  - Hebrews 12:1 

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win - 1 Corinthians 9:24

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith - 2 Timothy 4:7

This is a flat out race. Maybe, more like a tough mudder, even! But, there were times when I thought that because I was a Christian, everything would be easy and joyous. I thought those spiritual endorphins would be like drugs, because for a long time my salvation was more about a spiritual experience than God's will for my life. But the spiritual endorphins kick in when you've been running so long, and you're so tired, and once you're about to give up...whoosh, somehow you can bear it. You hear an amazing sermon, or someone randomly says something spiritual profound to you, or you read a verse that changes everything. And somehow you can keep going, and the peace and knowledge of God that comes with that feeling...makes you know you're a big deal!

I think the spiritual runner's high is the subtle workings of the Holy Spirit. It's sounds a little weird, but it's called The Helper, The Comforter, we know it intercedes in times of weakness. It does all the things necessary to keep us running.

I realize, that to a point, I was running (both physically and naturally) for the high. I was running to see what I could get out of it. And even though there are benefits,  the real point of the high is to keep you running.

Just random thoughts. 

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

 - 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Do I trust God? Part 2 - One Day at a Time

Sorry for the delay. I'm an accountant, and it's year-end. Times were/are hard. Blog abandoned.

I have some trust issues. I'm not sure exactly where all of the stem from, but I attempt to psychoanalyze myself in the shower from time to time. I was in a car accident when I was 9, and for years I've thought I was so antsy about death because I learned at such a young age that I could die. And I was in the shower wondering: why is that what I learned?

It was a very bad accident, doctors said I'd die; I didn't die. Then they said I wouldn't walk; I can walk and run.  They said I might have brain damage; I have a Masters degree from the University of Notre Dame (don't mention Manti T'eo...). So why didn't I learn that God is a healer? A deliverer? A way-maker? Well, I did learn those things as well, but I also learned that I wasn't immune from hurt. Tragically, it was the latter that was internalized.

In my previous blog, Do I Trust God Part 1, I said "I think you have to first realize that you're free, before you can start to trust God...and in what glorious manner you've been freed." That is such a difficult thing, because once you've encountered trouble of any kind, it's hard to ever feel safe again. You know that bad things can happen. And you know that they can happen to you. How do you get past that?

 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.  On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.” 

 Exodus 16:4-5

So how do you get past that? One day at a time. 

The Israelites had seen hard times. Let's not forget that. They were slaves for hundreds of years in Egypt. And so even though they had seen miracles, and even though they crossed the Red Sea on dry land, they didn't forget that. 

And so God decided to teach them trust again, one day at a time. "In this way I will test them..." In this way, God will also test us. Am I at a place where I can trust God today for tomorrow?

This is not new information. People have been saying "one day at a time" for eons. "One day at a time" is the AA go-to mantra. But did you realize that it is a biblical principle also (see Matthew 6:34, or recite The Lord's Prayer in your mind)?

Bread from heaven is being "rained" down, so there is a ton of it. But yet they are only to gather enough for that day and:

Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.” However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. Exodus 16:19-20

Our distrust of God rots and corrupts what God is doing for us. If they have to hoard manna, then they don't trust God to provide manna the next day. They say, "God gave this to me today, but what if He abandons me tomorrow?!" Day-to-day, unbroken chains of faith are difficult for us to maintain because we are so concerned with "what if?"  But the manna came every day. For 40 years.

So...

Can I trust God for manna? I love that word. The people named it "manna" which literally means "what is it?" God can provide for me tomorrow, and when it comes, it won't be anything that I expected. God works in such mysterious ways that all we can say is "whaaaa?" But can I count on that? Can I depend on God to shock me with His goodness daily? Can I take my Christian walk one day at a time? 

I'll find out...one day at a time.

Do I trust God? Part 1

"Lord...I don't trust You."

No one ever says those words out loud. We very rarely would even dare to say it in our hearts, but it's real. Sometimes, God is outside of our circle of trust.

I always read the Old Testament accounts of all the things the children of Israel did in the wake of their miraculous deliverance from Egypt...and I find them to be idiots.

But then I realize how much like them we all are. They had a twisted view of slavery.

In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Exodus 16:2-3

Somehow, these people think they were better off as slaves because someone set pots of meat around them. They've witnessed the plagues, they've crossed the Red Sea, and now...they're better off slaves (or dead) because they don't see readily available food in the desert. 

I want it to be noted that at NO time in the scripture does it say they were hungry. It's not like they were starving, and then they grumbled. They grumbled before they were hungry, because they didn't trust God to feed them. They were freaking out before things even went wrong! 

And we do the same thing...when things just start to look bad. When you realize you're in a desert, and you start calculating how long before you're out of water...do you just believe that God will make a way, or do you start to blame your salvation for your troubles? 

Slaves in Egypt

The Israelites got to thinking "if only we had stayed in Egypt"...i.e. "if only we hadn't been delivered." Likewise, there are a host of things we think we'd come by easier if we were sinners. Or if we hadn't been saved. Or if we weren't trying to live our lives for God: "I'd be married by now, if I wasn't concerned with being equally yoked", "I'd have a promotion by now if I had just thrown all those people under the bus"...We don't always trust that this way of life is better.

When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 

Romans 6:22-23

There were the slaves in Egypt, who forgot that they were ashamed to be a slave. Who forgot that their slavery ended in death. 

And there are slaves in our churches, who forgot that they were ashamed to be a slave (to sin), and who forgot that their slavery ended in death. 

I think you have to first realize that you're free, before you can start to trust God. You have to first realize what you've been freed from, and in what glorious manner you've been freed (the miraculous parting of the Red Sea, and the miraculous death and resurrection of Jesus Christ).  

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:34-36

...have we forgotten our place?