"Do I Know You?"

I kind of bristle when people say that they "know" me. I also get a little worried when they say that I know them: "you know me, you know I'd never..." I bristle because I think: "I'm far too complex for you to know me!" And I get worried because I think: "No, I actually have no idea what you would do in that situation."

But yet, the very proclamation of "I know you" or "you know me" is an expression of intimacy. And for that, I absolutely love it! But how many people actually know me well? What I mean by "know" is that they are in tune with the thoughts behind my actions. They know what I did and why I did it. They, in fact, knew I was going to do it. They are not shocked. This person knows my likes/dislikes, they know what kind of person annoys me ("Kristen...you'd hate this chick"). They know when and what I'm thinking. They know when I'm mad, even when my face doesn't betray anger. They know how I show love. They know when to leave me alone. They just KNOW.

This type of knowledge is usually reserved for family members and significant others. I, also, have a number of close friends who claim to know me, and maybe they do...but I kind of shy away from telling people that I know them, because putting aside all the stuff I don't know, there's one thing that I do know for certain:

There is always something hidden.

Always. There are entire sections of my friends' lives that are shadows to me, because we've never turned on the lights over there. There are things that are hidden even from myself, and so I wonder: how can you know me? And how, can I know you? This is a quandary for two extremely basic reasons:

1. Intimacy - In order for me to feel a certain level of intimacy and connection...I need to feel like you know me, and like I know you. We're all looking for someone who "gets us" in that cosmic sense. It is a basic need.
   
2. Fear -  What if they knew the "real" me? What if they knew what I was really capable of? Would they still love me? Would they still be my friend?" It is a basic fear.

And isn't this knowledge (or lack thereof) the root of hurt feelings? You think you know someone, and then they do something you didn't expect. Or you thought someone knew you, but they accuse/suspect you of thoughts and actions you wouldn't think or commit in a million years. And so intimacy can be broken/interrupted, and rejection can occur.

So what? 

Well, it got me to thinking of who really knows me. And scripture says that God knows me completely. Completely. From the exact number of hairs of my head (Matthew 10:30), to the thoughts in that head (Matthew 6:8).

And I realized that the two issues (broken intimacy and rejection) that are encountered in human relationships, are in no ways experienced when in relationship with the Divine:

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

This gets to me so much, because this particular scripture talks about our lack of knowledge, in general. That we only know things pertaining to God, salvation, and even pertaining to ourselves (See Psalms 19:12 and 1 John 3:2) to a point. At a future time, I will know everything fully...but RIGHT NOW, I'm already fully known. As such, intimacy is triggered, because someone gets me in that "cosmic sense":

But what about the rejection? I should be super scared that an all-knowing, all-powerful, holy God is hip to all that is ME, right?

Wrong!

 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? - Romans 8:29-31.


God knew me...and knowing me still decided that I should be conformed to the image of Christ. And since He made that decision he justifies and glorifies this person that he completely KNOWS. And what did He know? That I was an enemy of God (Colossians 1:21). God got to know me, and rejection was warranted; however, that rejection was set aside at the cross. That may be the deepest thing I've ever thought about.

Being known by God is intimacy without fear of rejection, because if God knows me, and is for me...who can be against? And why would I even care?