When Your Best Isn't Good Enough

I like to believe that if I put my head to it...I can accomplish anything. I like to think that if I try my absolute hardest everything will work out (in every area of life). For example:

You want a promotion? Come in early, leave late. Go that extra mile on every project. Create efficiencies where there was once chaos. Be a workplace superstar!

Are you tired of being single? Lose 10lbs, get your hair done/nails did, buy new clothes, and clear out the aisles of Sephora (if you're a girl). For guys, just get these things the arrows are pointing to-->*

I've done these things and ended up (1) laid off and (2) sitting at home on Friday nights watching French romcoms and eating chips and ice cream.

How can this be?!!

Long story short: Sometimes your best just isn't good enough.

I decided I would start a series on the Faith Hall of Fame, because I love Hebrews 11. The first hall-of-famer is Abel:

By faith Abel offered to God a better sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained the testimony that he was righteous 

Hebrews 11:4

Who are Cain and Abel? The sons of Adam and Eve, and this is how their story goes:

Abel was a keeper of flocks, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. So it came about in the course of time that Cain brought an offering to the Lord of the fruit of the ground. Abel, on his part also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and for his offering; but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard. So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell.

Genesis 4: 3 - 5

Some say that Cain's sacrifice was rejected because it was of poor quality. But let's just take that off the table right now, because when I do crappy work, I know there is a possibility that it is going to be rejected/refused/sent back for revisions. My hope is that I can get over, but my reaction to failure-to-get-over is never rage. Rage comes when you feel like you have been played. Cain gave his best, and is flipping out because his best isn't good enough. So it begs the question:

For Real...Why is Cain's Sacrifice Rejected?

"Baaaaa-d Cain!"

I have to admit: I'm a Bible nerd.  So I was both shocked and elated to realize: this is a doozie! So, I'm open to your opinions if they differ from mine. 

Many commentaries that I have read, have said Cain's sacrifice was rejected because it was a blood-less sacrifice. Sooo...if Cain had thrown a dead sheep up there, everything would have been cool? I take issue with this for the following reasons:

1. Nowhere in the Bible does it say Cain's offering was rejected because it was blood-less. Nowhere does it say Abel's offering was accepted because it was an animal.
   
   
2. This is a somewhat legalistic view. It assumes that there is some type of rigid formula to pleasing God, some "rule" to be followed and that Abel was on board and Cain was a rule-breaker (thus rejected).
3. Abel is a keeper of flocks, so it makes sense for him to bring an animal. Cain is a tiller of the ground, so it makes sense for him to bring fruit. You can't convince me that Cain can go outside of his area of expertise and bring an animal offering as good as or better than Abel's. This point is 100% opinion, but I feel like God makes it clear that He wants us to work within our gifts (1 Peter 4:10, Romans 12:6).
4.  Contrary to popular belief, God is not in love with animal sacrifices:
   
   The multitude of your sacrifices--what are they to me?" says the LORD. "I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. Isaiah 1:11
   
   For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering.The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Psalms 51: 16-17

Cain's heart...scary isn't it?

So I have to go with the view that something in Cain's heart was not right. And beyond that, most importantly, because his heart wasn't right, and because FAITH works by love ( Galatians 5:6), it was impossible for Cain to please God (Hebrews 11:6). 

I love Hebrews 11, because it is talking about all the things that these people did by faith in order to be what? Pleasing! Hebrews 11 isn't about all the amazing and miraculous works you can do by faith. It's about understanding what is necessary in order to be pleasing...and that necessary thing is faith. Hebrews 11 is, shockingly, full of rule breakers...so it's not over a broken rule that Cain missed out on being called "friend of God." It's not because of a broken rule that Cain missed out on being counted as "righteous." Cain missed out because Cain's heart wasn't broken like the psalmist said, and when his offering was rejected we don't see contrition recorded on his face, rather we see the rage of someone who was confident in the "best that he could do"...never realizing that his best is never good enough.

Note: I'm not saying don't try. I'm not saying go and be a faith-filled villain (as if such existed). In truth, I don't know how NOT to try. I'm saying don't depend on your efforts and think they are the key to your acceptance. Don't look at everything you've done and think: "Wow. I'm am amazing Christian" because our God is not served with hands (Acts 17:25).

If my best could ever be good enough, there would be no cause for grace. And how do we get grace (that awesome stuff that saves us)?

...we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 

Romans 5:2

Go figure.



*Guys, for the purposes of this blog, we're going to pretend having those could fail to end your single days. However...that's probably not true. Those will work every time. I'm just saying.

Runner's High

 
I am a runner. I'm not hardcore and I'm not very fast--in fact my sister tells me that I run in "slow motion"--but technically I still count as a runner, since that is my core workout. For the past two years I have scoffed, yes scoffed at the idea of this "runner's high." In my book it was a myth.

I've waited for "runner's high" for the past two years expecting to just have this extreme burst of joy and feel like super amazing. I've never done drugs, but in my mind runner's high is a substitute for drugs. I wanted my head and body to be like "whoaaaa, these endorphins are like drugs!" For me, the runner's high was more about how I would feel than about what I could do. And so yesterday, as I was laughing the idea of runner's high to scorn, I thought: "what if I've had it, but didn't acknowledge it as such, because of my expectations?"

The most common thing runners say about runner's high is "I felt like I could run forever." They get to a point where something that was difficult is no longer difficult; pain ceases to be painful; and the place where you thought your limit was becomes a tiny dot on the horizon behind you. And when you're done running, you feel like a big deal.

I realized...I had this feeling, just a few nights ago.  Last Thursday night, I ran 5 miles on the treadmill after a particularly wretched day; a day that could only be described as a whirlwind of horrible. But when I was done running (which felt hard up until, but easy after, mile 3) I was dancing down the hallways of my apartment building. Runner's high: It's real. It's just not what I had expected.

There is some euphoria, but mostly, the runner's high enables you to keep going. And I started thinking: is there a such thing as spiritual runner's high?

I don't know. It's not for nothing that the bible repeatedly refers to the Christian walk as a race:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.  - Hebrews 12:1 

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win - 1 Corinthians 9:24

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith - 2 Timothy 4:7

This is a flat out race. Maybe, more like a tough mudder, even! But, there were times when I thought that because I was a Christian, everything would be easy and joyous. I thought those spiritual endorphins would be like drugs, because for a long time my salvation was more about a spiritual experience than God's will for my life. But the spiritual endorphins kick in when you've been running so long, and you're so tired, and once you're about to give up...whoosh, somehow you can bear it. You hear an amazing sermon, or someone randomly says something spiritual profound to you, or you read a verse that changes everything. And somehow you can keep going, and the peace and knowledge of God that comes with that feeling...makes you know you're a big deal!

I think the spiritual runner's high is the subtle workings of the Holy Spirit. It's sounds a little weird, but it's called The Helper, The Comforter, we know it intercedes in times of weakness. It does all the things necessary to keep us running.

I realize, that to a point, I was running (both physically and naturally) for the high. I was running to see what I could get out of it. And even though there are benefits,  the real point of the high is to keep you running.

Just random thoughts. 

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

 - 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Do I trust God? Part 2 - One Day at a Time

Sorry for the delay. I'm an accountant, and it's year-end. Times were/are hard. Blog abandoned.

I have some trust issues. I'm not sure exactly where all of the stem from, but I attempt to psychoanalyze myself in the shower from time to time. I was in a car accident when I was 9, and for years I've thought I was so antsy about death because I learned at such a young age that I could die. And I was in the shower wondering: why is that what I learned?

It was a very bad accident, doctors said I'd die; I didn't die. Then they said I wouldn't walk; I can walk and run.  They said I might have brain damage; I have a Masters degree from the University of Notre Dame (don't mention Manti T'eo...). So why didn't I learn that God is a healer? A deliverer? A way-maker? Well, I did learn those things as well, but I also learned that I wasn't immune from hurt. Tragically, it was the latter that was internalized.

In my previous blog, Do I Trust God Part 1, I said "I think you have to first realize that you're free, before you can start to trust God...and in what glorious manner you've been freed." That is such a difficult thing, because once you've encountered trouble of any kind, it's hard to ever feel safe again. You know that bad things can happen. And you know that they can happen to you. How do you get past that?

 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.  On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.” 

 Exodus 16:4-5

So how do you get past that? One day at a time. 

The Israelites had seen hard times. Let's not forget that. They were slaves for hundreds of years in Egypt. And so even though they had seen miracles, and even though they crossed the Red Sea on dry land, they didn't forget that. 

And so God decided to teach them trust again, one day at a time. "In this way I will test them..." In this way, God will also test us. Am I at a place where I can trust God today for tomorrow?

This is not new information. People have been saying "one day at a time" for eons. "One day at a time" is the AA go-to mantra. But did you realize that it is a biblical principle also (see Matthew 6:34, or recite The Lord's Prayer in your mind)?

Bread from heaven is being "rained" down, so there is a ton of it. But yet they are only to gather enough for that day and:

Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.” However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. Exodus 16:19-20

Our distrust of God rots and corrupts what God is doing for us. If they have to hoard manna, then they don't trust God to provide manna the next day. They say, "God gave this to me today, but what if He abandons me tomorrow?!" Day-to-day, unbroken chains of faith are difficult for us to maintain because we are so concerned with "what if?"  But the manna came every day. For 40 years.

So...

Can I trust God for manna? I love that word. The people named it "manna" which literally means "what is it?" God can provide for me tomorrow, and when it comes, it won't be anything that I expected. God works in such mysterious ways that all we can say is "whaaaa?" But can I count on that? Can I depend on God to shock me with His goodness daily? Can I take my Christian walk one day at a time? 

I'll find out...one day at a time.

Do I trust God? Part 1

"Lord...I don't trust You."

No one ever says those words out loud. We very rarely would even dare to say it in our hearts, but it's real. Sometimes, God is outside of our circle of trust.

I always read the Old Testament accounts of all the things the children of Israel did in the wake of their miraculous deliverance from Egypt...and I find them to be idiots.

But then I realize how much like them we all are. They had a twisted view of slavery.

In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Exodus 16:2-3

Somehow, these people think they were better off as slaves because someone set pots of meat around them. They've witnessed the plagues, they've crossed the Red Sea, and now...they're better off slaves (or dead) because they don't see readily available food in the desert. 

I want it to be noted that at NO time in the scripture does it say they were hungry. It's not like they were starving, and then they grumbled. They grumbled before they were hungry, because they didn't trust God to feed them. They were freaking out before things even went wrong! 

And we do the same thing...when things just start to look bad. When you realize you're in a desert, and you start calculating how long before you're out of water...do you just believe that God will make a way, or do you start to blame your salvation for your troubles? 

Slaves in Egypt

The Israelites got to thinking "if only we had stayed in Egypt"...i.e. "if only we hadn't been delivered." Likewise, there are a host of things we think we'd come by easier if we were sinners. Or if we hadn't been saved. Or if we weren't trying to live our lives for God: "I'd be married by now, if I wasn't concerned with being equally yoked", "I'd have a promotion by now if I had just thrown all those people under the bus"...We don't always trust that this way of life is better.

When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 

Romans 6:22-23

There were the slaves in Egypt, who forgot that they were ashamed to be a slave. Who forgot that their slavery ended in death. 

And there are slaves in our churches, who forgot that they were ashamed to be a slave (to sin), and who forgot that their slavery ended in death. 

I think you have to first realize that you're free, before you can start to trust God. You have to first realize what you've been freed from, and in what glorious manner you've been freed (the miraculous parting of the Red Sea, and the miraculous death and resurrection of Jesus Christ).  

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:34-36

...have we forgotten our place?

Clarity Part 2: New Year's Resolutions

This is the one day of the year where, almost universally, people are seeking clarity. Even now, as I lay in bed typing this blog I am overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed by this desire to change everything in my life. Was 2012 bad? Nope. But 2013 has to be better. That's the product that New Year's Eve is selling: better.

I said in Clarity Part 1, that I couldn't write just one blog about Ruth. Last week I wrote about Ruth's selflessness, and how in looking out for someone else, she obtained a blessing. The second thought comes out of the first few verses of Ruth 1.

In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab.- Ruth 1:1

In the days when the judges ruled

This period begins immediately after the death of Joshua (who saw the Israelites into the Promised Land; see Judges 1:1). That timeframe was characterized by a specific decision-making process: 

In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit.- Judges 17:6

I was thinking on "in the time of judges" which is characterized by "when men did what was right in their own eyes", a self-centered form of seeking wisdom.

Famine in the Land

famine

Naomi's husband changed destinations. He went where he thought the grass was greener. He left the land of blessing (the literal PROMISED LAND) for a place God had not appointed in search of "better". We do this ALL the time. On December 31st, every year, we start thinking: "there is a famine in the land." And we decide to go looking for better. We'll leave our home churches. We'll quit our jobs. We'll leave our hometowns. We'll leave our significant others. We'll find new friends.  All because it can be better somewhere else, with someone else, while doing something else...or so we think.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. - Proverbs 14:12

Ack! That scripture is so scary to me, because I think I'm right all the time. And what I think is right might be dead wrong...literally!

And so it was for Naomi and family. In Moab, Elimelek and his two sons died.  There is no record of him praying or seeking God. There's no record of him seeking godly counsel. I'm sure he didn't just make a rash decision, though. He probably really thought it over. But ultimately, he did "what was right in his own eyes."

This led me to thoughts on meditation, which is all the rage right now. I have NOTHING against meditation as a means of emotional wellness. Clear your mind. Breathe deep. Think on beauty and light (which is totally biblical anyway; see Philippians 4:8); however, the Bible has specific instruction on meditation*:

• Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. - Joshua 1:8 
  
• You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. - Isaiah 26:3
  
• My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise.  Psalms 119:148
• I shall remember the deeds of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your work and muse on Your deeds. Psalms 77:11-12
• Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation. - Psalms 119:97-99

I could keep going, but I think about David's prayer "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer"...this makes me think there is unacceptable meditation. I can't identify what exactly is unacceptable, but scripture is full of instruction to meditate on the Lord, and on His works, His promises, and His word. Yet, I OFTEN seek my own counsel. Especially today. As soon as I awoke, I started listing out some things that I think will make my life better in 2013. Already re-worked my budget to include those things. Haven't prayed about any of it yet. SHAME (--pause-- I prayed --unpause--).

So back to Elimelek. If he had prayed and waited on the Lord, things may have turned out differently for him and his two sons. Because it was back in Bethlehem, the place that he left, where Naomi heard God was blessing people. Would he have left if he had meditated on the promises of God? Probably not...b/c who leaves the "Promised Land" if they are thinking of it as such? Would he have left if he had meditated on the mighty works of God? Probs not...not if he was thinking about deliverance out of Egypt, or the manna in the wilderness, or cloud by day/fire by night.

The "perfect peace" Isaiah speaks of is corrupted when I view this day outside the lens of scripture. This day is about lists, resolutions, and new beginnings when I meditate on me. December 31st is reduced to just another day when I meditate on God, because then I know:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  

- Lamentations 3:22-23

With God every day is new...not just January 1st.

So hold up...Clarity = pray and wait?

Darn...no one wants to hear that either.




*Disclaimer: I'm not saying you can never have non-religious meditation. Do it. Knock yourself out. What I am saying is that meditating on the Lord is the biblical prescription for peace/clarity. I don't think meditation is wrong, worthless or anything like that. 

Clarity: into the mind of Ruth

I like Ruth.

It's a book of the Bible, that up until recently, I had never read. I knew basic things about Ruth, but I didn't know her story. This past week, a friend of mine told me that a close friend (not some street psychic) had read her tarot cards and gave her some thoughts/advice on how to conduct her life. Of course, as a Christian I'm adverse to such and kind of dismissed it out of hand. However, it got me to thinking about clarity.

Any time that a person meditates, prays, goes to tarot card reader, consults a psychic, or even just reaches out to their bff for counsel, they are all seeking the same thing: clarity. We all want to know which way to go. What is the road that leads to happiness? Because that's the road that we all want to be on.

And so, I wanted to write a blog about clarity, but I couldn't think of a person in the Bible who sought clarity and found it (except for Gideon and the Fleece, but I wasn't in a Gideon kinda mood). So, I thought: let's see what Ruth has to offer.

It had to offer a lot. So much so, that I'm afraid...truly afraid to only write one blog about it. I'm re-reading chapter 1 thinking: but what's the most important piece?! Where is the clarity?!

I think it's in two scriptures...that aren't even IN Ruth, but that I feel point me to Ruth:

Scripture 1: Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. -James 1:27

Scripture 2: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matthew 6:25, 33

In Ruth 1, we find three women at a crossroads: Ruth and Orpah, whose husbands have just died, as well as Naomi, whose husband has been dead for years. They are widows. Nowadays, it sucks to be a widow, but in biblical times the plight of the widow was often one of extreme poverty and desolation. The widow was often paired (as she is in James) with the orphan. She is someone that no one is looking out for.

Three Women? Crossroads? I couldn't resist!

^{Ruth and Orpah are still young. They can leave Naomi, and either 1) try to go back to their parents, or 2) find new husbands to take care of them (Ruth 1: 8-9). But, strangely, they want to stay with Naomi. Eventually, Naomi convinces Orpah to leave her. But not Ruth. Ruth stays with her, and delivers the touching speech that is the ONLY thing I knew about Ruth before reading it:} 

^{But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried...  - Ruth 1:16-17}

We spend a lot of time seeking to make ourselves happy. It's not a criticism, but rather a simple statement of fact. We're all looking for that clarity on "which way do I go." Ruth had two choices, one leads to possibility and one leads to the poverty and desolation we spoke of above. Why did she choose the latter?!

I'm not super selfish, but I'm selfish! And I'm always "looking out for number one!" In this dog-eat-dog world, that's how you have to be sometimes. Or is it? I realize that this mindset is the result of worry: if I don't look out for myself, who will? if I don't do for me, who will?!

 

^{God will.} 

 

^{I doubt that Ruth wasn't acting on her knowledge of God, b/c she was a Moabite. She didn't know God. But God was working in her life, because the first thing she did was show her purity of heart. The pure and undefiled nature of her spirit, which was to care for someone that no one else would care for. This is the work of God's kingdom (see Matthew 25:34-40). So, in my opinion, Ruth was seeking first the kingdom of God, when she chose Naomi over the road to happiness. She took zero care for her own life, but rather esteemed someone else higher than herself (Philippians 2:3). And that mindset determined her path.} 

 

^{And if you know the story...you know that everything else was indeed added. The things that a widow usually worried about, she didn't have to worry about.} 

 

^{Maybe the things we worry about, we don't have to worry about either. Maybe the clarity is there? We're looking everywhere except to God. We're seeking everything except His kingdom. God and His kingdom are backburner items...or we treat them with complacency as something already attained. But the clarity is in doing His Will first. And then everything else will fall into place.} 

 

^{We don't like that kind of clarity. It's simply...not what we're looking for. Tsk. Tsk.}   

 

"Do I Know You?"

I kind of bristle when people say that they "know" me. I also get a little worried when they say that I know them: "you know me, you know I'd never..." I bristle because I think: "I'm far too complex for you to know me!" And I get worried because I think: "No, I actually have no idea what you would do in that situation."

But yet, the very proclamation of "I know you" or "you know me" is an expression of intimacy. And for that, I absolutely love it! But how many people actually know me well? What I mean by "know" is that they are in tune with the thoughts behind my actions. They know what I did and why I did it. They, in fact, knew I was going to do it. They are not shocked. This person knows my likes/dislikes, they know what kind of person annoys me ("Kristen...you'd hate this chick"). They know when and what I'm thinking. They know when I'm mad, even when my face doesn't betray anger. They know how I show love. They know when to leave me alone. They just KNOW.

This type of knowledge is usually reserved for family members and significant others. I, also, have a number of close friends who claim to know me, and maybe they do...but I kind of shy away from telling people that I know them, because putting aside all the stuff I don't know, there's one thing that I do know for certain:

There is always something hidden.

Always. There are entire sections of my friends' lives that are shadows to me, because we've never turned on the lights over there. There are things that are hidden even from myself, and so I wonder: how can you know me? And how, can I know you? This is a quandary for two extremely basic reasons:

1. Intimacy - In order for me to feel a certain level of intimacy and connection...I need to feel like you know me, and like I know you. We're all looking for someone who "gets us" in that cosmic sense. It is a basic need.
   
2. Fear -  What if they knew the "real" me? What if they knew what I was really capable of? Would they still love me? Would they still be my friend?" It is a basic fear.

And isn't this knowledge (or lack thereof) the root of hurt feelings? You think you know someone, and then they do something you didn't expect. Or you thought someone knew you, but they accuse/suspect you of thoughts and actions you wouldn't think or commit in a million years. And so intimacy can be broken/interrupted, and rejection can occur.

So what? 

Well, it got me to thinking of who really knows me. And scripture says that God knows me completely. Completely. From the exact number of hairs of my head (Matthew 10:30), to the thoughts in that head (Matthew 6:8).

And I realized that the two issues (broken intimacy and rejection) that are encountered in human relationships, are in no ways experienced when in relationship with the Divine:

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

This gets to me so much, because this particular scripture talks about our lack of knowledge, in general. That we only know things pertaining to God, salvation, and even pertaining to ourselves (See Psalms 19:12 and 1 John 3:2) to a point. At a future time, I will know everything fully...but RIGHT NOW, I'm already fully known. As such, intimacy is triggered, because someone gets me in that "cosmic sense":

But what about the rejection? I should be super scared that an all-knowing, all-powerful, holy God is hip to all that is ME, right?

Wrong!

 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? - Romans 8:29-31.


God knew me...and knowing me still decided that I should be conformed to the image of Christ. And since He made that decision he justifies and glorifies this person that he completely KNOWS. And what did He know? That I was an enemy of God (Colossians 1:21). God got to know me, and rejection was warranted; however, that rejection was set aside at the cross. That may be the deepest thing I've ever thought about.

Being known by God is intimacy without fear of rejection, because if God knows me, and is for me...who can be against? And why would I even care?