Fear of Missing Out

Fear of Missing Out.

It sounds kind of innocuous. "FOMO." It is like “LOL” or “IDK” or “OMG.” It’s just another acronym that we use. Just a few more letters to mumble as language. However, this one might be more than that. FOMO is a way of life for many. FOMO is the undercurrent of many of our social lives. So, I think maybe I should break the acronym down a little further:

Fear - a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid
Missing - lacking, absent, or not found
Out - away from, or not in, the normal or usual place, position, state, etc.

So technically speaking, FOMO is a distressing emotion, aroused by the real or imagined threat of either being “out” or missing out on something amazing as a result of mere absence.
We need to be seen. Or we disappear.

The Evolution of Expectations

Remember when you went out for fun? This is the crux of the issue. Remember when you went out for FUN?! I remember when I used to go out to Red Lobster for the Ultimate Feast simply because I liked shrimp and lobster and I thought spending $23 on dinner meant I was rich! I remember when I used to go to BBQs because I knew there would be good food, hilarious talk, and a rousing game of Taboo. I remember when I went to the club to—wait for it—DANCE!

Then one day, magically, I started going out for different reasons:

1. I should really go to that happy hour; there are so many networking opportunities.
2. I’m tired, but I’d better hit this party…my husband could be there!
3. I really don’t feel like it, but I ought to go to that BBQ and be social…I need more friends! If I stay home alone one more Friday, I’m officially a loser. 

And so, what ends up happening is that the weekend that we worked for…turns into work. We spend the whole week legitimately doing things we HAVE to do, things that we are paid to do. Then, if you suffer from FOMO, instead of doing what you want to do, you spend money doing what you’re afraid not to do. How tragic is that?

Pretty darn tragic.

The Cure

Go back to that place when going out was for fun. Release expectations. And only go, when you actually FEEL like it. When what you really want is to go home, put on some sweats, and watch a DVD with chips and ice cream: DO THAT! Don’t decide that’s what a loser would do and go to a house party of a friend of a friend who knows this cute boy (who is totally your type) who sometimes does magic tricks and plays guitar and who might be there. Cuz guess what? Guitar guy is NEVER there! And if he is…some other girl is all over him. Ruffles foregone for NADA. That’s how you feel when you go out for ulterior motives. When you go out with an expectation of awesomeness, nothing you do can ever be awesome. Every weekend is New Year’s Eve—an overhyped letdown. It’s when you go out just for the pleasure of the company you’re with. It’s when you go out just to BE out, that you end up having the best night ever. And you’re probably so transcendent with the glow of true fun, that you’re attracting the attention you’re so afraid that you’re missing.

I can’t let any of my actions be motivated by FEAR. If my play time is motivated by anxiety and despair, is it even possible that I’m having fun? I’m working on my motivations, and I think I did a REALLY good job this weekend.

Thursday: Drinks and Gelato
Friday: Jazz in the Garden
Saturday: Eat Pray Love and Restaurant Week at Oyamel
Sunday: cleaned, packed, moved

I can honestly say that this weekend I hung out with girls. No chance to meet “Mr. Right” and no ulterior motives. No FOMO!. Well, a little bit of FOMO. The weekend was a little over-scheduled and I left it that way because there is a slight fear of losing friendships that I battle (see below story). I didn’t spend ENOUGH time on me. I would have liked to have spent more of the weekend cuddled up with a DVD and some ice cream…but I have next weekend for that!!

Brief Story: Once, a girl that I wanted to be good friends with invited me to see a Jon Stewart show. Since I'm not a Jon Stewart fan, I said no (it was like $80). The person she asked after me, became a very close friend of hers/future roommate/accompanied her on a trip to Australia/awesomeness. I never reached that level of friendship...and I always wondered: Jon Stewart?