Black Beauty...and I'm not talkin' about a horse!

It's Halloweekend. So, in order to look semi-decent in my costume, it was imperative that I get my hair done. Since I am a procrastinator, instead of getting my hair done last week, on a Saturday or Sunday morning, I waited until Friday night. Friday night is when people, desperate to look cute for the weekend, flock to the salon trying to get "squeezed in" to what are already ridiculously over-penciled appointment books. So I journeyed out to Oxon Hill, MD after work for what turned out to be a harrowing experience.

This is one of the most difficult blogs to write, because I don't want to diss black culture. Not at all. But every black chick knows there are some things we have learned to accept:

1. You Will Wait

What time is your appointment? It doesn't even matter. If your appointment is any time after 11:30 am, you can bet that 45 min to an hour will elapse from the time you walk in the door to when you are seated in the beauticians chair. Yesterday, I was at fault. I came late (though I called ahead). So, I walked in the door at 7:00 pm, sat in the chair at 8:30 pm.

Caveat: What is especially egregious about this particular visit, was that there weren't even any magazines for me to read. I mean, come on! That's the staple of waiting areas worldwide. I feel like the black hair salon should be overflowing with back issues of Essence, Ebony/Jet, and Black Enterprise. But no, I had to sit there and just play with my phone.

2. You WILL Be Solicited

You want purses? They got purses! You want perfumes? They got all the smell goods you NEED! Is it raining outside? They will sell you an umbrella! Is it sunny outside? They will sell you an umbrella! But last night...it was taken to a new level. All the above were in play (minus the perfumes--this time...), but there was one salesman who had wares of a different type:


Salesman: I have flatirons. Top of the line flatirons. $80.
Chick getting her hair done: $80?!!
Saleseman: These are $140 in the stores!
Beautician (sounding tired): I've got all the flatirons I need.
Salesman starts to walk away in defeat...
Chick getting her hair done: ...$45?!
Salesman doesn't even look back.

Then he returns 10 minutes later with--are you ready for this--a wood floor panel.

Imagine you're sitting in the waiting area, and BOOM, a long wood panel starts coming through the door. This dude tried to sell FLOORING at the beauty salon. I think (maybe) I've seen it all. Needless to say, no one bought flooring at this time.

3. You Will Hear Crazy Conversations

There is no telling what you will overhear at the beauty salon. This is why headphones are really smart, and why engrossing magazines are a MUST. In any case, you may hear one-side of the conversation that your beautician is having on the phone. While doing your hair. With a Bluetooth in. These convos range from booking appointments to chatting with their boyfriend. The latter of which I find super annoying...because I am a single. But I digress.

Last night's crazy conversation though, was super awkward. I had to witness and endure the bullying of Shampoo Girl (who literally goes by the name "Shampoo Girl"). For those who don't know, a shampoo girl is a kid, between the ages of say 17 and 19, whose job it is to shampoo hair. This job usually goes to a cosmetology student...but I can't be certain in this particular case. Anyway, I listened to Shampoo Girl get berated for like a solid hour. She was repeatedly referred to as "Mongoloid." I don't know what this means, so...dictionary.com

Mongoloid - adj. relating to or characterized by Down's syndrome

...I just looked that up, and now I'm mad. I mean, that's just plain rude, and all around INCORRECT. Super uncool. Even not knowing what that meant exactly, I felt like the situation was getting out of hand. You can crack on someone a little. But there is a point when enough is enough. I had to surmise that they didn't like Shampoo Girl.

I get all of the above for $85+tip. Talk about a bargain. A friend told me of a black hair salon on the ground floor of her apartment building. This friend lives in WALKING DISTANCE of my house. So, just on the basis of convenience alone, I have to try this. I trek out to Oxon Hill, MD because I'm desperate. When I move to a new town...a hairdresser is amongst the first things I try to find.

Now, the following was not representative of my experience at the salon. But I LOVE it. It's too hilarious to not have more views (my only gripe: one curse word. I hate cursing): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KowVSOjDKtU

Good night cruel world!