The Law of Give and Take

...Or maybe I just love really "put together" people. I had a moment of conviction a few days ago while reading my small group book The Reason for God by Timothy Keller. In general, it's not my favorite book, but occasionally this guy has some legit nuggets of wisdom:

In the real world of relationships it is impossible to love people with a problem or a need without in some sense sharing or even changing places with them. All real life-changing love involves some form of this kind of exchange. It requires very little of you to love a person who is pulled together and happy. Think, however, of emotionally wounded people. There is no way to listen and love people like that and stay completely emotionally intact yourself. - Timothy Keller*

I used to think that "sacrificial love" meant loving people in spite of their crap. Turning the other cheek. Loving people when it hurt your pride to do so. And it totally does! But, the aforementioned quote got me thinking about this:

Giving of yourself vs. Giving up yourself

And this is why I love the bible. I can quote a verse forever, and not realize that I didn't get it. Isn't that crazy? I was writing last year about Lenten sacrifice, and didn't really get the give and take of sacrificial giving.  I often think of sacrifice as a choice. And sometimes it is. We'll give something up for something that we think has greater benefit. But in the quote, sacrifice is a result.

In order for something to be given...something else has to be taken.

And therein lies the rub! I don't want to lose anything as a result of loving people. The only way to ensure this is to either 1) love people only up to a certain point, or 2) only love people who are really put together.

But what happens when that "put together" person falls apart? ...That's why they say in hard times, you "find out who your friends are". The people who stick around, the people who hold your hand, the people who hug you and let you cry it out...they are being your strength because all of yours has run out. And they are doing this at a cost. When you give your strength to someone who has none...strength is leaving you. For real.



How do I know?

The woman with the issue of blood.

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” 

 Mark 5: 27 - 30

The faith aspect of this is AH-MAZING, and I'll possibly cover it some other time; but the clincher here is that when she touched Jesus, she took power; she took the healing that she needed from Jesus.

So how can I prevent something, that even Jesus couldn't prevent? And even beyond that, how can I live life attempting to circumvent the true nature of love, as laid out by God? What do I mean by that? I'm saying that love results in sacrifice, just like Tim Keller said.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

God loved so much that he gave. Love results in sacrifice. If I love you...I am sacrificed. If I love God...I am sacrificed.

MAN that sucks! It sucks because I want love to be EASY. But there is no easy love. There is no cheap grace.

 Is this what it means when the pastor says to "pour yourself out" for others? Oh. No.

*Keller, Timothy (2008-02-14). The Reason for God (p. 191). Penguin Group. Kindle Edition.