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And it feels weird.
Yesterday I said there was a time for everything, but I can't help but feel like something great has ended. I alternately feel like a champion and a failure. Two weeks, two medals, 52.4 miles (not including 2 training runs), and feelings are mixed.
Feelings of "could I have run it faster?" or "that wasn't good enough" roll around in my head juxtaposed against "you've overcome serious illness to run two marathons in two weeks...that's amazing!" Which thoughts are right? I choose the latter, but there is a competitive part of me, that I guess is competing a little bit with myself. The other part is really complacent like: "this is good enough."
Which is right?
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| 2 Medals in 2 Weeks! |
Most Christians get to a point where they feel like they're not "good enough" which is slippery slope because we know that "there is no one righteous; not even one" (Romans 3:10) and that we are only made acceptable through the blood of Jesus Christ. But why, then, do we beat ourselves up when we make the same mistake twice? Why do we groan remembering Friday night when our mercy was new Saturday morning (Lamentations 3:22-23)? What is that about? Are we discounting grace? Am I discounting the fact that I ran two marathons in two weeks?
No. Not at all.
I think that we all get to a point where we know God is calling us to more. To become more than people who run. But people who run well.
For this very reason [being now a participant of the divine nature], make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
- 2 Peter 1:5-8
I can run the distance. I know that. I've done in twice. But now I want to put efforts into proper running form, speed, how to reserve energy and totally punch it at the end of a race. I want the same thing spiritually. I can go the distance. Grace guarantees me that. However, am I seeking the enhancements? Am I even expecting excellence of myself?
I don't know. This one is hard to think about because I may never run another race. I've reached my goal. But yet, there are higher heights, bigger accomplishments, and more races than I can count. Similarly, I don't have to be anything other than a believer accepting the grace of God...but there are higher heights, good works that God has called me to (Ephesians 2:10), and more places in God than anyone can count.
Shouldn't I want to go there?
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:14
Random Note:
We left the apartment this morning at 5AM. Much to our surprise the streets were alive and bustling. We walked past a bar that was FULL of people, still drinking and smoking, listening to music, and otherwise having a good time. As such, it is clear that we did not experience Greek nightlife, and will strike that "check" from the record. We are old. People were still at home pre-gaming when we were calling it a night. Sad face.
*I took that picture of the sky in Thessaloniki. I think it's pretty...and that the "sky is the limit" when it comes to achievement
reminds me of a sermon i heard on the way down to ch'ville .
ReplyDeleteAfter Tom Brady won his third Super Bowl Ring with the New England Patriots, he was interviewed by 60 Minutes. He said this: “Why do I have three Super Bowl rings and still feel like there’s something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, ‘Hey, man, this is what [life] is. I reached my goal, my dream, my life.’ Me, I think, ‘God, it’s got to be more than this.’”
touched on similar points and made overarching theme about our true calling in life and where/how we can find satisfaction in knowing Christ and doing His will