The Faith Roller Coaster

On New Year's Eve, I determined that 2014 would be my "Year of Faith." I was gonna beef up my prayer life, study the Word, and just put my trust in God fully.

But I've realized that prayer is dependent on faith. And faith is a really hard thing to do. 

I am living the life that most people live: the rollercoaster. I've never really visualized that metaphor. But now, I'm thinking about what it's like: the giddy anticipation going up the hill, then screaming in terror as you plunge down, the odd sensation of your stomach dropping, the thrill of the fast turns, your head whipping from side to side, and the horrors of being stuck (sometimes upside down). I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to genuinely and fervently pray continuously through a ride. I'd have to be totally focused on God and not on the rollercoaster.

I've found that to be difficult. Two days ago, my stomach dropped, and suddenly, I truly felt the words of my prayers turn to ashes in my mouth. I was going down a hill (it might not have even been that steep), and the focus that I'd been putting on God (as part of my 2014 plan) was naturally shifting to the rollercoaster. I say naturally because bad things are real. And there are reaction to those bad things that everyone understands. No one gets mad at you. It's explainable. When things are going my way, I'm a really "good" Christian. When things are bad...I'm one of the worst. Faith starts to diminish. Prayers cease. Bible starts collecting dust. I start to equate adversity with God's abandonment. It's explainable.

I feel like this abandoned teddy :'(

“I don’t want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn’t be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn’t come through, I am screwed.” - Francis Chan

And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets... - Hebrews 11:32

I agree! It's time to move on to a new series, so I can't talk about all those people. So I want to talk about the person who's life is so incredible and unexplainable without the Holy Spirit that I couldn't end the series without him:

David. 

Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon David from that day forward...1 Samuel 16:13

That sounds like an awesome moment! Chosen. Anointed. Happy days ahead? If only.  David was on the tallest, fastest, most maintenance delayed rollercoaster of them all.  He went through so much that I wanted to put it in a table:

 

From the time the oil was poured on his head to being King over all Israel is well over a decade. He spent must of that time on the run! Then after I fiddled with google docs and published to web...I realized the table was only the stuff on his road to becoming King! He had tons of family issues too! 

• He kills his loyal servant/friend Uriah to get his wife Bathsheba
• Then the baby he has with Bathsheba dies
• Then his son Amnon rapes his daughter Tamar
• So his other son Absalom kills Amnon
• Then Absalom tries to kill David and gets killed in the process

So many bad things. So many that I have to wonder which bad thing led to Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
² How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

³ Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

⁵ But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
⁶ I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

This Psalm is often broken down into three parts:

1. Despair, anxiety, questioning God's love (Psalm 13:1-2)
2. Request for an answer/deliverance (Psalm 13:3-4)
3. Faith in God's love (Psalm 13:5-6)

I'm often get stuck at one. It's so easy to feel abandoned and alone. It's easy to imagine that it's forever. And, for me, it's hard to pray like that. 

David did a lot of really cool things (lots of bad stuff too), but why is he in the Hall of Faith? I don't know. But if I had to guess, it was his unwavering faith in God's LOVE. Lots of people put faith in a promise. But David's faith was always just in the character of God. Here's a man who knew pain, and 

who prayed through it. He prayed through the rollercoaster.

I hope I'm starting to do the same thing...