Positive Thinking!

I'm so over this winter. It is 36 degrees today in Arlington, VA. Yesterday, it was mid-sixties. The day before we were in the seventies! Two steps forward, one giant step back. I keep thinking: "two more weeks" and everything will be okay. Weather got me down!

ze crates

There is construction going on at my workplace, and I have to move all my stuff to another office tomorrow. Crates are provided. I walk down to get a crate and they are stacked at least 9 feet high. At 5'2", I just walked away. Stupid crates got me down!

You know how in the winter time, one tends to gain weight. I've gained about 4 lbs since November and I need to lose them. I should have lost them a long time ago! I did a detox after New Year's to no avail. It's hard to go running when it's frigid cold outside. And
though I do have a gym in the basement of my apartment building...I kind of hate treadmills. It's almost spring, so I need to do springtime retail therapy, but I don't want to buy clothes before I lose the 4 lbs. Weight AND delayed shopping got me down.
In all of these issues there's a component where I have varying levels of control:

1. Weather in VA - No control.
2. Crates stacked too high - Some control. Though I cannot reach the crates, I could ask someone taller for help (but I hate asking for help). I sent out a few e-mails. No response yet. I walked back to the crates. I hereby amend my height estimate to about 7-8 feet. I tried to pull them down...but alas, I am too weak! I almost asked someone for help; I started a discussion about the crates. But I just didn't go far enough to say: "can you get the crates down for me?" Some control + neurosis = No control.
3. Weight - full control. I'm simply lazy and lack discipline. While cleaning my office (for the move) I found some chocolate. I ate it. 

Then, while I was cleaning I found an old parking ticket that I had contested. Realized I hadn't heard back from Adjudication Services, went online, ticket was still there. Argh!

As I was writing out my three issues of the day, PLUS the annoyance of that ticket, I started to feel really sad. I started to feel unlucky. I started to feel like nothing ever goes right. I started to feel extremely discontent.

Last night in my small group we were talking about the power of words, and we noted how hokie the whole "think positive thoughts" cliche can be. Positive Thinking and its effect on general contentment, happiness and health is an age old tale. It is a story we've heard so many times that it starts to ring false. But it's true. Not in just a science-has-proved-it true way (like in the hyperlink above), but it's also biblical:

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:8-9

Why does it sound like wisdom coming from Paul and like mumbo jumbo coming from inspirational speakers?* Why does it sound like something really easy to do when you read it in the Bible (or at least like something you want to do) and like cliched garbage when your mom says it?

I don't know. Wherever the information comes from, the bottom line is the same, for every situation where you have varying levels of control, there's a component of it that you completely control: how you think about it. How you react to it. How you allow it to affect that hour/day/week/month of your life.

I own nothing like this.

So, I could enjoy these last cold days when I can still wear cute chunky scarves and boots. When I can go outside and see my vapor in the air (which I'm always excited about at the start of winter). When I can get my best running times in (because you can run faster in the cold). I can still cuddle up with blankets and hot tea watching my favorite shows (which will be off-season soon - Walking Dead I'll miss you!!!).

Regarding the crates, I could just wait until moving day (tomorrow). No one's going to let me not move, so a crate will be available. In the meantime I'll clean everything in my office and get it ready for the move. Or if I wait a little bit longer, other people will take crates until it's low enough for me to grab one. Or maybe I'll get over my hatred of asking for help, ask for help, and instantly have a crate in the next hour or so. Regardless, I'll move. My stuff will get packed. It'll be fine.

My director gave me that chocolate the day after New Year's. But I didn't eat it because I was on detox. I said I'd save it for later, and today was "later". I think it was kind of cute the way I quickly devoured it in my office. I felt like Brenda Leigh Johnson. I was really happy to have found it. I rebuke you diet guilt! Plus, what's 4lbs? All my current clothes still fit, and if I were to be less lazy, I could lose that weight in 3 to 4 weeks. Just in time for my sister to get here! She can go shopping with me since I dislike shopping alone! She can also keep me from making foolish purchases...waiting could be for the best.

Why did I write all that? I don't know. But once I got started I couldn't stop! I'm not making this up: writing that made me feel better! I was so sad after the first part of the blog (especially after finding that ticket!), that tears were threatening! But now, way less. I thought about the ticket, and since I knew DC might try to screw me over, I schedule a hearing a month ago. That will keep my window of dispute open. Aren't I smart?

I feel really good. I didn't set out to experiment with positive thinking/positive self-talk, but it turned out that way. And it was real. It worked. Paul was right, along with all those other people who I've been sneering at.

I just wonder if I'll remember this was real tomorrow...


*I think it seems legit coming from Paul because he's writing from prison. Everyone else doesn't seem that bad off. And so you want to slap them. Like: "what do you know about my pain?" But since I've never been locked up and assume it to be wretched...Paul gets some credibility.