Haiku Movie Review: Noah

Biblical account
Drowned in the filmaker's flood
But...lesson still learned

NOAH (2014)


It's hard, as a Christian, to objectively review a movie that is based on a biblical account. When creative license is taken with a book that is the basis of your entire worldview, you can become a little bit "testy." However, since it's billed as a "biblically-inspired fantasy" that is what you should go in expecting. If you go looking for the Bible story you learned in Sunday school, you'll mutter "this is garbage" like the ladies seated behind me in the theater. They experienced an almost-sacrilegious reinterpretation of the story they know and love. However, if you go for a biblically-inspired fantasy, you'll get an interesting twist on an age-old story with some surprises and plot maneuvers that, though not at all scriptural, will ultimately land you in the same spot: Divine destruction with a select group of survivors left to replenish the Earth.

Fun Things: 

1. Noah - I thought Russell Crow did an excellent job portraying an emotionally conflicted-but-spiritually-resolved-to-carry-out-God's-will-no-matter-what version of Noah. He definitely needed to be thrown overboard. 
2. The Rock Monsters - they were fallen angels, punished for helping humans after their ejection from Eden (totally made up - there is only one angelic fall recorded in scripture and it had nothing to do with "good intentions").  The Rock Monsters helped build the ark (cutting down the 100 year production period in the Bible to a few months). They also protected Noah from the onslaught of people desperate to be stow-a ways.
3. Methusaleh - Who doesn't like an Anthony Hopkins sighting? 
4. Miracles - there were a number of miracles performed in the film that definitely pointed towards faith and divine provision. They were good moments. 
5. Shem was a hottie.

Stupid Things: 

1. Jennifer Connelly in JEANS the whole movie. It was...too much. 
2. The super-involvement of God to destroy the place juxtaposed against His hands-off approach to ensuring Noah's understanding of His full will.
3. The movie definitely seemed to have a PETA-inspired* message that animals were innocent and deserving of rescue... well, at least 2 of each. God was clearly fine with killing the rest of the many billions of "innocent" animals (or maybe only two of each happened to be innocent...)? 

I thought the movie did a rather good job of portraying one biblical truth:

Now the earth was corrupt in the sight of God, and the earth was filled with violence. God looked on the earth, and behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted their way upon the earth. 

- Genesis 6:11-12

This wasn't just God's opinion (though His is the only one that counts), but Darren Aronofsky made the world seem corrupt to my eyes. The utter depravity of man, and the selfishness with which humans lived out their lives, in response to eviction from the garden was very interesting and (imo) true to the Bible. 

The movie was an action-packed thriller raising evocative points regarding destiny and how much of it God has put in our hands. We like to believe that we direct our own destiny...but do we direct ourselves, inevitably, towards destruction?

All, in all, I was entertained.

Recommended if you don't mind that's it's only a biblically-inspired fantasy full of preposterous, made-up things.
Not recommended if you would mind any of the above; you need your bible movie to be accurate.

*I think animal cruelty is wrong, and as a plus, the movie only used CGI animals.