Counting Calories

Counting calories is probably the hardest part of being on a diet. As I predicted in my last post (Instant Gratification) I cheated on my diet. Thursday was June's first day back in town. I hadn't seen her in like 3 weeks, so we went to lunch together. After lunch, a gchat dialogue went something like this:

June: I want cake.
Me: You want cake? I can get you cake. (I felt like being a nice friend on this particular day)

Note: I had no means of getting her cake. Once this truth was expressed:

June: I want a cookie.
Me: You want a cookie? I can get you a cookie!

So, off to Panera I skipped, to get a Toffee Nut cookie for June. I, personally, didn't crave/want/need a cookie, but there I was at Panera with LOTS of cookies and baked goods all around me. So, in the moment of truth at the cashier, I decided it was stupid to pay for 1 cookie with a credit card (b/c I never have cash). So...2 toffee nut cookies returned to the office. Once in my office, I felt guilty, so I had an inner dialogue that went  something like this:

"I shall only eat half a cookie..."
(1 second later): "I will only eat two-thirds of this cookie..."
(1 nanosecond later): "75%!! Kristen STOP!"

400+ Calorie Cookie Demolished.

I felt utterly disgusting afterwards. 400 calories is like a whole meal when you're counting calories. How is it that I ended up doing something I didn't want to do? How did I end up eating a cookie I had no intention or desire to eat?! Yeah, the cookie was great...but I wasn't in danger of the cookie. Until I put myself in danger of the cookie. Once I was in there, thinking about that cookie...I should have fled.

So what's my point?

We do the same thing as Christians. We put ourselves in, what I like to call, the "sin zone" and then wonder how we ended up doing something we didn't want to do. How did we end up doing something we had zero intention of doing? It wasn't planned at all! Even while it's happening (see inner thoughts above), you're trying to figure out how to stop.

It reminds me of something St. Paul said:

...I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

...The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. 

Romans 7:17-23

That's what happened to me with the cookie. I thought I was stronger than the parts of me that covertly rebel. And I wasn't. The diet was too new. I wasn't there yet. Same thing with Christians. Sometimes we think we can "handle" certain sketchy situations without having a "Kristen STOP!" moment, but oftentimes we have underestimated the strength of those parts of us that covertly rebel. And just when we LEAST expect it, they take charge. And we're somewhere in tears. Ashamed. Disgusted.

I should not have been in Panera where the cookies were. Georgetown Cupcake? Stay away. 

What is your "cookie"? Where is your "Panera"? And do you really have any business there? ...Flee!

But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil. 

1 Thessalonians 5:22