Stranger Danger

I have a problem with strangers.

Real-life situation (no point in lying about hypotheticals):

A friend of one of your newer friends is having a party at their home. Your friend invited you to this gathering. You later learn your friend will not be there. Should you go?

Choices (as they ran through my mind in a 30-42 second timeframe):

A. Of course you should go! That's how you make friends. I thought you were "shopping" for a new BFF...

B. It depends. Have you met this friend of a friend before? If you have and you're kind of cool...go.

C. No. You don't know these people. You'll be bored and uncomfortable, laughing at inside jokes and making random comments in an attempt to appear entertaining. It'll be a bunch of work. Plus, you weren't actually invited.

D. You should go. Don't expect to have fun, don't expect to be happy about it...you're going JUST so your friend can see that you're not using them as a crutch.


Reasons for Choice A: This is only appropriate for very outgoing, full-exposure individuals OR for very confident, I-don't-care-full-exposure individuals. I am neither of these persons. Therefore, I resort to A under DIRE circumstances. Dire circumstances are those when I have absolutely no friends, no friend prospects, and imagine myself dying alone in my apartment eaten by wild dogs (in the city no less!). When you feel that level of desperation, you'll go just about anywhere and yuck it up with just about anyone.

Reasons for Choice B: This is obvious. A certain sense of familiarity has been established. This could be at the budding stage. At the budding stage, I can be more myself, have my guard down; I can feel more open and safe.

--Pause--I would like to interject that I've met this friend of a friend. Nice person. But...no sense of familiarity was established. To me this person is still 95% stranger. Why? Because when someone says their name...I say "who?" And when that person is described to me, I still doubt the mental picture in my mind.--Unpause--

Reasons for Choice C: I like to be comfortable (I know: who doesn't?), and I feel like since I have a slow-to-warm up personality (inwardly) that it's best if I'm slowly introduced to a circle through someone else (when possible). This way I won't feel like I'm putting myself out there, unnecessarily.

Reasons for Choice D: Foolish pride. I don't want anyone to think I can't stand on my own two feet, or that I'm afraid of people. So I strike out...knock on what is practically the door of a stranger, and saunter in as if we've been friends for years, and say something like: "Hi! It's Marissa...right?" And they'll say something along the lines of: "Actually...It's Maureen, but come in!" That could either be a really funny moment, something we'll laugh about years from now, or it'll be the beginning of awkwardness. I would probably take it as a sign of the latter, and then the self-fulfilling prophecy of horror would begin.

Which answer is appropriate? Which reason is reasonable? When faced with this decision--which has occurred a few times in my life--I generally either default to C or D. Is that hopelessly negative? It seems sad even to me.


When I think of the friends of friends that I have befriended, it always took place in a 1-on-1 environment. Groups are a safe launching pad, which can take off into dinner, yoga class, a movie...but I think you have to feel like a legit part of the group first. But how do you ever feel legit if you never join in?

Am I too stuck in my comfort zone? Yes? No? Thoughts?

Could the choices that I consider be construed as offensive?