Life of Excellence: FAIL

First day of living a life of excellence was an epic fail. Good thing this WASN'T day 1. Day 1 is June 1st. Thank God!

Okay blog...I'm about to tell you a story, and in this story, I am a villain. I thought about not posting about it, in light of the Sunday posts. However, I've never purported to be perfect. Christ came for the sick:

"...They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance" Mark 2:17

Holla!

Anyway, I think we have established that I am sick. Because of this very reason, and my acknowledgment of my sickness, and my faith that it is Jesus Christ who will present me faultless...I believe we can move on to the story (which is hilarious in a sad way).


So for the past two days I have been attending a derivative conference. I am clearly the youngest person there, and it's SUPER boring, and I have been extremely anti-social the whole time, because I abhor this conversation:

Random old person: So, Kristen is it? (looking at my name tag)
Me: No. It's Michelle. (I don't actually say it...just think it)
Random old person: So, what company do you work for
Me: at the XYZ Corporation, it's an energy company
Random old person: Ah! Commodities! So...are you responsible for derivatives?
Me: No. I work in marketing. (I don't actually say it...but we're at a DERIVATIVES conference, what do you think I do?! )

Disclaimer: This is a dramatization, but you know how inane corporate networking small talk can be. This closely approximates how it went, or how it made me feel.

So, as time goes on, I start to feel bad about being anti, so I strike up a conversation with the chemical derivatives accountant at my table. We were JUST commenting on how good the lunch was. I then commented that my ratatouille is better than that of the Ritz-Carlton (this is true, imo). The rest of the conversation:

Chemical Derivative Accountant (CDA): So you like to cook?
Me: Yeah, I love to cook
CDA: So what's the best thing that you make? I mean, what do you cook REALLY well?

Now, I make many awesome things,

1. Primo Pork Chops
2. Remarkable Ratatouille
3. Cool Cornish Hens
4. Astonishing Apple Pie

But in this moment, my mind went BLANK: " -- "

And so I said:

"Chicken Eggplant Parmesan"

Chicken Eggplant Parmesan?! ...Chicken Eggplant Parmesan???

How did those words even come out of my mouth?! I've never eaten it, I've never made it. I was unsure if such a thing even existed! But I'd said it. It was out. A lie. A baby lie.

The thing about babies though...they grow up SO fast.

CDA: Really?! How do you make that?
Me: (inside my head) Uh oh...

CDA is now looking at me expectantly.

Me: It's complicated...

CDA: No! Tell me! Please! I really want to know.

And so, seemingly, I had no choice but to give this woman a recipe. That's right, blog. I made up a recipe for Chicken Eggplant Parmesan, on the spot. Off the top of my head. FOR SHAME!

I would tell you what was in my recipe, but I think it's better to show how crappy my recipe was via a table:



Recipe is courtesy of Recipezaar.

As you can see, I had only the BASICS: Chicken, Eggplant, Marinara. I also had some items that do not traditionally go into the Chicken Eggplant Parmesan, such as: penne pasta and mushrooms.

I think the most egregious omission is the lack of breadcrumbs. What was I thinking?!! At "parmesan" I said "kinda" because I only referred to that ingredient as "cheese." I was silent on what type of cheese I was using.

I guess it could have been worse...she could have asked me what marina sauce I used, and I could have said something like: "Oh, I make my marinara from scratch...I just crush tomatoes, add a little salt...VOILA!"

Ultimately all of this could have been avoided. It just goes to show there is no such thing as a "little white lie." They GROW! I have to say, I don't make a habit of lying, but I'm not perfect. This one has taught me though. It was like God was leaving a facebook message that just said: "smh."

Yeah...great story (in terms of hilarity) and great lesson: I must decrease, that He may increase. For reals!

I wonder if this woman will attempt to make this recipe. ...Her poor family.