True story. Recently, I've confronted my issue with trust, how it affects my relationships with people, and ultimately how it affects my relationship with God.
First off, let's define (for kicks) the word "trust."
trust [truhst] - noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust. Based on maybe one major disappointment, or a series of disappointments that I cannot recount to you (not because they are too numerous, but because they may/may not exist), I have a very bad opinion of trust. My bad opinion of trust stems from a problem that I have with definitions 1 and 3.
In the realm of the emotional, an individual in whom I put my trust does not have to accept the obligation or responsibility that I have placed upon them. What do I mean? I mean that just because I trust you doesn't mean that you won't lie to me. Just because I trust you doesn't keep your from cheating on me. My trust does not have the power to prevent your betrayal. In recognizing this truth, I came to believe a lie: trust is powerless.
Trust means something. It's an intangible thing, yet we are all aware of it. We feel pain when it is lost. When you've lost trust in something, it's like the ground has given way beneath you; you're so insecure and everything in life (even if the trust only pertained to one thing) is suddenly uncertain. We are all, also, comforted by it and made secure by trust, when it is found. Trust creates an environment of safety, even in the midst of a dangerous situation.
It is very easy to break trust with other human beings. People break our hearts, let us down, and otherwise disappoint, trick, and betray us. However, the ultimate trust--Trust in God-- comes free of fear of disappointment. What I love about God, is that trust in Him does not quite fit the 3 definitions above.
God offers Himself as our trust; He takes on the responsibility and obligation prior to our trusting Him. What am I saying? When you know that someone trusts you, or is depending on you...you act accordingly, however (Romans 5: 6 -8):
6For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
7For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Before we even knew that God was someone that we could trust in; before we knew that we were without strength, Christ took on the obligation of our sins! We trust people not to do certain things in the future to hurt us, based on the nature of our relationship. However, when there was NO existing relationship, Christ died for me. I find that to be deep. Maybe I'm alone in that.Yes? No?
All of my trust is in God. I know that my trust in Him is powerful. It has meaning. It has a security that I can't get from some guy I'm dating. It has an irrevocable nature that I can't get from my bff. This trust is everything. I trust in what the Word of God says about how God feels about me (Jeremiah 29:11):
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
As a result, I trust in the perfection of my end. Christ died for me to have an expected end, and I know that it is awesome. Sometimes we feel let down by God, or disappointed with life, but that is because WE have polluted the purity of God's love and his plan for us. We have polluted it with our own opinions of what is best, of where we should be, of how God should have blessed us. As if we know better than God...???!!
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. - Proverbs 3:5
That is a doozie!! It's so hard not to lean to our own wisdom, our own knowledge, our own understanding of how the world works and what we need to operate in it successfully. Stay away from your own understanding, it happens to be kind of dumb. Flat out.
For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God... I Corinthian 3:19
Sometimes we think we have it all figured out, but sometimes that "figured-it-outedness" will be our downfall. Stay humble, keep trusting in the Lord. I once got into the habit of thinking that I don't want God to do what I ask Him, because I trust that He is "able to do exceeding abundantly above all that I ask or think"(Ephesians 3:20). Do you get that? What I think God has in store for me, is nothing compared to what He actually has in store for me. So, I'd much rather trust in Him than in myself...I'm just sayin'.
As far as how I feel about trust (that it's powerless and what not)...that's messed up. For serious. I only have trusting in God down in part. I believe everything I said above about trusting in Him. I know that if I trust in the Lord, He will be my high tower, He will be refuge, my rock, etc. However, if I trusted 100% I wouldn't get quite so freaked out all the time and start devising plans to rescue myself out of trouble. So unnecessary. One day I will be fully aware of this. Lately I've been hearing people say: "Give it to God." Well, I don't want to give "it" to God, if "it" represents individual situations. I want to give ME to God. My whole life, my entire existence...it needs to be His.
Regarding trust in other people...I have to learn that some people are worthy of my trust, not because they are so awesome and will not hurt me, but because of the nature of the relationship. I have to be prepared though; people are not God (or even very God-like). They will betray me, crush me, and blast me to bits. But that's what forgiveness is for.
Good night!
He's Able by Deitrick Haddon (feat. Darwin Hobbs) - super old, but I love it.
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