Testimony!

I have a testimony.

As many know, I found out of July 4th that I had a brain aneurysm. Since then, I must admit it has been hard times. These times were interspersed with fear, faith, tears, anger...and some of everything else. It's really hard to explain.

However, I had my surgery on July 20th, and the aneurysm is completely "sealed" meaning blood will no longer flow into it, which makes in impossible for it to burst. The doctors call this a "cure." I have a friend who says "Doctors practice medicine, but God is the only true Healer." That is definitely the case, though I thank God for my doctors. He guided their hands, He enabled them to see and fix what was wrong.

But my praise, initially, was a little stifled. And it wasn't always the case. In the early days, this was a thing that "just happened" and I was patiently, faithfully waiting on God's deliverance. Then, maybe 10 or so days ago my doctor told me something that made me question; something that made me doubt: "You've had this since you were born."

What?! Since I was born?! This automatically made me think: does this mean I wasn't covered in the womb?! And I was instantly demoralized. Completely. But the same scripture that I doubted, is currently my testimony: Psalms 139: 1 - 14 (Click to read). The scripture talks about how God knows everything about you, and how wherever you go...He is there. There is no hiding from Him. His knowledge of us is boundless. My main focus though, is verses 13 and 14:

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I kicked it in NIV for you all, but I grew up with KJV, so in my remembrance of this Psalm, verse 13 reads: "For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.". I have always read that verse as denoting protection, so upon realizing I had this weak blood vessel in my head FROM BIRTH...I suddenly felt very open and exposed to atrocities of all types.

But the truth is...despite the aneurysm being there, I am STILL fearfully and wonderfully made, still protected. And the clincher is that I knew that full well. In the KJV is says that my "soul knoweth right well." And I view that this carnal mind might have been shaken, but spiritually I had my wits about me. My carnal mind may have felt abandoned, but my spirit recognized that God is an ever-present help. How can the Holy Spirit dwell in me and I yet be alone, exposed, abandoned? Impossible! And so, while I wasn't completely in despair, I couldn't completely be in my praise because the spirit wars against the flesh and vice versa. That's REAL. Flesh says: why me? why God? Spirit says: to show God's glory. Spirit wins. Praise found. Thank you Jesus for saving me! Hallelujah anyhow! This situation doesn't own me...God does. And he has shown me that I am never alone. The end. Period. Fin.

I was praying this evening, and it hit me that God has created me to be eternal like He is eternal (John 10:27-28). And so my testimony is not just that He saved my life (though He did, Praise God!), but that He has shown me that there are many things in this world that are temporal, but I am not one of them. Even if I die, like Job said: in my flesh, I will see God (Job 19:26).

Pray for me, and pray for my strength in the Lord.

P.S. I probably have more testimony, but this is what I have for tonight.

P.P.S. This whole ordeal made me think of Isaiah 49: 1 "...Before I was born the LORD called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name." I'm not saying Isaiah, but I think that applies to me. I am never forgotten, God knows my name, he called my name before I was even born. My aneurysm was a part of my making before I was even born. I'm good with that.

I have this album...but I don't have an mp3 link for it, so...youtube will be the provider of the song of the week: I Am Not Forgotten by Israel & New Breed.