Friday, May 13, 2011

That Chick is Desperate




We spend a lot of time labeling people as desperate, or worrying that we come off as desperate, but...what is desperation really?

Let's first define:

Desperate -

  1. reckless or dangerous because of despair  or urgency
  2. having an urgent need, desire, etc.
  3. leaving little or no hope; very serious or dangerous
So here we have it. An adjective that seems (in my opinion) to define the motivation(s) behind certain behaviors: Despair and a sense of urgency stemming from a state of hopelessness. WOW.  

I got to thinking about desperation, b/c a friend and I had this discussion: Is it okay for a girl to make the first move? Should single women sit around passively waiting for men to ask them out, or is it okay to make that initial show of interest. I'm not saying chase him down. I'm not saying spam his e-mail, blow up his phone with texts...none of that. That is ruled out. However, I can't be so certain about what is ruled IN. What is acceptable? Where is the line between bravery and desperation. Ooohhh, bravery, what a novel idea! Let's define: 

Brave - 

  1. possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.
  2. to defy; challenge; dare.
 I really like the second definition in this. A girl who puts herself out there, is defying the norm. Challenging the societal belief that she should sit passively by, waiting for her prince to come. But what about the people who come, who are NOT your prince?! Why should we sit idly by entertaining guys we don't like, when the guys we DO like are available and in our line of sight? Why not dare to send them a facebook message versus waiting for him to ask you to dinner? 

Or is such an FB message "desperate?" Hey...is there NOTHING attractive about a woman who takes control of her situation? Who says: passivity isn't working. A person who changes tactic, is not the same as one who gives in to desperation. Desperation in itself is hopelessness. Daring to change course, is an act of hope in itself. Just my opinion. Ultimately, it's more fun to be courageous, daring than it is to just wait around. 

Thoughts?
 
 
 
Posted by Krissy K at 11:30 AM

5 comments:

  1. marisabel r.May 13, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    It is totally okay to approach a guy. The line between bravery and desperation is on how slutty/needy you portray yourself.

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  2. AlisonMay 13, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    i say go get'em girls. you can still let the guy "pursue" you (though i hate that word), but why not show some initial interest, throw out some boldness, and flash your smile and your confidence like a modern woman ;)

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  3. Gospel GirlMay 14, 2011 at 11:40 AM

    well 99% of the time i'd say girl should do NOTHING. "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Solomon 8:4.

    In a rare exception (note not the rule) I think it's permissible to initiate a flirty text but NEVER a hang out (was unclear what the facebook message was going to say). This suggestion will ONLY work if the guy was already interested to begin with but figured girl had "other options" and he "didn't have a chance". Sending this one flirty message could perhaps let him know that there is a chance.... like a 1 in a million chance

    ReplyDelete
  4. Krissy KMay 14, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    @Gospel Girl,

    I see your point. It's great to get another point of view. And I think a lot of it (stats notwithstanding) is valid, but I disagree on your scripture usage.

    I don't think Song of Solomon 8:4, or Song of Solomon 2:7 speak to the behavior of women in a dating relationship.

    Disclaimer: Song of Solomon is a poem, and it is widely considered to be allegorical...(as in about the love between God and His people). However, I will be attempting (as you seem to be) to look at this literally.

    In the verse, the speaker is the bride, and she's speaking to the women (friends/servants/idk) who are in the room with her. This is not a call out to women everywhere, though I guess it's okay to apply it in that way. But she's talking to them about how in love she is, how consumed she is, and I think she's saying 1) don't get to this point until you're ready, and 2) don't mess this up when you have it. But I could be wrong. Totally.

    Beyond that, let's take a literal look at Song of Solomon 3:1-5. Looks like she's chasing dude down! But, admittedly, this sounds like a dream to me...but a dream that ends in "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." A repeat of SoS 8:4! It's like a refrain. And here it seems to mean: don't wake me up from this dream of love. Don't disturb the ecstasy of what I've found. Deep.

    Thanks for the SoS shout out. It forced me to read a book that rarely gets any play from me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Krissy KMay 14, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    Whoa! That was almost as long as the blog post!

    ReplyDelete

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