Lent Day THREE: Comparative Experience

Over the past couple of weeks I have had a variation of the same conversation with a few different people. What's interesting about this particular conversation is that it needs no prompting. This conversation occurs organically in the course of close friendships and basic grumbling and complaining (which is supposed to be absent from our lives - Philippians 2:14) about life. The conversations, for the most part, go like this:

"I should be happy. I have a really good life if you look at it in the right way..."

This conversation generally spirals down a rabbit hole of: what is happiness? Happiness vs. Joy? And tons of other things that, honestly, make my brain boil. Everyone has a practical answer for how to be happy. Remember  "Want what you have, and have what you want?" Or the classic Christianese sermon of happiness is based on external circumstances but joy exists beyond the sphere of circumstance and cannot be taken from you? This bothers me, b/c I've definitely had a lot of sad days. Where did my joy go? Did I ever have joy? Have I only ever been "happy" and when circumstances changed it flitted away?
UNKNOWN.

Everything is so blurry in life. Just when I think I have a grasp on certain concepts, I realize it's like holding a handful of water. My hands are wet, but I have nothing that I can drink.  Note: I am not referring to gratitude. Gratitude is something we should all feel and express on a daily basis. I think I'm talking about trying to figure out happiness. And figuring out joy. And how to maintain it. And all that "I wouldn't have known joy without sadness" chatter. That bothers me too! I'd rather not meet sadness. Does that saying transfer to every situation: I would never have known health without sickness? Maybe we should all be sick? I would have never known a good man without spending all those years with abusers? I'll pass. I don't want to only have a life of comparative experiences, but perhaps there's no other way. Thoughts?

Today's reading led me to a comparative experience:

That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength! - Ephesians 1:15-19 (MSG)

I am generally anti-the Message translation of the Bible, but recently I've come to appreciate it's conversational way of expressing biblical truth. You might read that scripture and wonder: what does this have to do with anything that you rambled on about earlier?

Well, because to be made intelligent and discerning means I was once an idiot. As a Notre Dame graduate, certified public accountant, and derivatives accountant...I take issue at being called dumb. But when it comes to knowing God personally and truly understanding His will for my life, I'm a straight up dunce! Which is why I love Paul's prayer here. I want to smarten up. To have eyes that are focused and clear means I got spiritual Lasik! I couldn't see, but then I could. But the clincher is about what you're seeing. I'm not seeing about God, I'm seeing about ME. I think I know what my life is about. I think I know how to be happy....but really I haven't yet grasped the immensity of God's plan for my life. And what His happiness looks like. Eyes too blurry. But it sounds amazing: "utter extravagance," "endless energy," "boundless strength?" Admittedly, that means more comparatively. It means more to a person who has always had to live life "on-the-cheap" and who has been beaten down and weakened by life. And admittedly, "utter extravagance," "endless energy," and "boundless strength" achieved through relationship with Jesus Christ sounds like happiness.

I just would have never called it that.