Misgivings

I'm starting to think this blog is a mistake for a myriad of reasons:

1) How do I blog about my dating experiences, without the object(s) of those experiences being like: "Hey! She's blogging about me?"

I am concerned about this because my high school bff (Valerie) has tagged my blog in a post on Facebook. Hours later, Nice Guy makes a friend request. WHAT TO DO?! This is flat out horrific. What did I say in a previous post: My life is a comedy of errors. Why is that?

Maybe my life is such, because I think it to be such. Yes? No? We've all come across The Secret, whether it be in book or DVD format (I was forced into the latter by a particularly zealous friend...on a LADIES NIGHT. Talk about a party starter...). And for those of us who grew up in The Church, we know that The Secret is--in fact--not a secret at all. Just that good-old-fashioned-Hebrews 11-"F-A-I-T-H all you need is a little more faith." Faith goes both ways. It can be positive and it can be negative. If I think "tragedy" concerning my dating life, am I thinking tragedy into my dating life? Food for thought.

2. I wasn't really hoping that people I KNEW would read the blog. That creates pressure that I'm not sure I want.

I don't want to feel like I'm writing to a specific audience. This is to the World Wide Web. It's to everyone and no one. Its for all and yet for none. Does that make sense?

I guess I have to pretend as if the outside world doesn't exist. I want the blog to have purpose, more than just me, sitting in my bedroom, pecking away at the keys of my laptop just to pass time. But even with that, I'm not trying to REACH anyone. At least not with this blog.

3. People keep asking me: "What's your blog about?"

My blog is a "Seinfeld" blog. It's about nothing. NOTHING. But yet, now, I feel like I should give it more structure, like it should have a focus...but anyone who knows me is aware that I'm not very structured, or very focused. I don't make sense...and it's on accident. I mean it's just how I am. When Valerie heard I was doing the blog she said:

"...You have an interesting point of view. You're religious, but you're militant. You're conservative, but you're reckless sometimes. You want a man, but you hate PDA. Now that's funny."

Don't you love it when your friends get you? It's this truth that will force me to persevere.

Regarding Nice Guy, I called him earlier today (before the friend request)...and I tried to throw him off by giving him the "I want to go very slow" speech. But that's actually exacerbating the problem. I see that now. People may not know this, but I hate confrontation. I'm so often a part of confrontation because I can't stand the idea that someone is trying to play me, or get over. And so I act out. It's sad really... This guy is different because he's just trying to form a relationship; this makes the confrontation even less desirable. However, at this point I'm being a $%#^& (bad words). So, I'll have to try again, and this time do it right. Maybe I'll make myself a little script. I tend to ramble...and thus say RIDICULOUS things. I don't want it to go down that road.