Either embolden our emotions to lay
completely bare to scrutiny of eyes untried,
Or hide fully within the bosom of mystery
and by doing so, vanish
--completely butchered, rag-tag Shakespeare Part II
The Shakespeare gets really hard too!! I had to abandon iambic pentameter, but it still has the same feel when recited (which I've done a couple of times).
I love that little poem (modesty aside) because it SAYS something about how I am feeling (this is the point of poetry).
I decided to research "opening up" to see if I have a legit problem. This is what I came up with:
I. Failure to "open up" is often attributed to the shy
Just for kicks, pretending we have NO IDEA what it means, let's define shy:
Shy [shahy]
adjective
1. easily frightened away; timid.
2. suspicious; distrustful.
3. reluctant; wary.
Not what I was looking for, but true of me
Not what I was looking for, but true of me
4. deficient: shy of funds. (i.e. "my money is funny, and my credit doesn't get it")
5. scant; short of a full amount or number (see The Tragedies of Being Short)
The definitions were so I could clearly state: THAT'S NOT ME!
Anyone who knows me, knows full well that I'm not shy. But #2 up there, which is blue and bolded...that might have some merit. Shouldn't that be under "wary" though, rather than "shy?" Whatev.
But here's the problem: I still LIKE nearly everyone I meet. I may be distrustful, but everyone has to stand the test of time with me. I am slow-to-warm-up. That's my personality type. But when I like you, I love you. And it's solid. It's like a werewolf imprint (shout out to Team Jacob!!).
II. Exposure is the key to Happiness
Literally, one site I went to said that almost verbatim:
"I feel exposed- in a good way."
"I told myself that I have nothing to fear. I don't care if I am rejected anymore and I realized that releasing my inner-self to others made me feel less stressed."
I disagree with this, because it implies that she doesn't care (at all) what others think. What a liar! (Disclaimer: This chick could be totally legit, but it pleases me to assume this is a falsehood) That's a tall order. Do I feel exposed? Sometimes, and I don't mind it when I'm COMFORTABLE with that person. But people are judgy; I know this because I am judgy. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize that someone can't tolerate you. I mean, geez. But I'm not thinking "geez" when I write people off...Do I want to feel exposed? No. I want to feel like everything is just a normal, naturally occurring part of the friendship/relationship. If I'm talking freely, I'm talking freely. If you have to "draw it out" of me, it's pretty probable that I'm going to back-pedal away from that line of questioning. Why do people try to "draw things out" anyway? What is that all about? In my opinion, it's all hero complexes. I have one...everyone (to a degree) may have one. We sometimes LOVE the idea of fixing someone else. Not just their problems, but THEM. Rude? Not rude? I don't know. What I do know is that I want to hang out on someone's couch, eat Ruffles with leek dip with Ben & Jerry's ice cream (if it's cold substitute the ice cream with Irish Hot Chocolate), and just vent about my crappy life (which isn't so crappy) without that someone thinking they need to pass me a tissue, hide the razors, or offer me some sage advice. Just listen to my rant, and when it's over...let's watch The Notebook again.
This puts me in the mind of a song, it's kinda old (by old I mean 2007), but it just says OF COURSE I want people to really know me. That day will come...in time. Everyone has something they deal with. Things they're afraid of, things they don't want people to know, blah, blah, blah. Every thing is not as it seems, but some things are...in truth this song doesn't do as good a job at speaking my sentiments as I had originally thought, but it's in the same vein. It's Christian contemporary so it's designed to pull in people who feel lost and alone. I don't feel quite like that, but I just LIKE the song. There. I admit it. Tie in = loose. Or not loose? Thoughts?
No comments:
Post a Comment