22nd day of Lent: All Talk and No Action

I am a talker. I talk a lot. And people who know me, know that maybe 50% or more of what I say is to be completely ignored. That the words coming out of my mouth are more just sounds than actual communication. This is especially true when I'm angry. I say ridiculous things. I talk about all the things I'm going to "do" that will never be done. Not even halfway.

I remember, many years ago, I used to always say that I "would cut" someone. Of course, that was a joke. But I would say it even when I was mad, and though it was not a possibility, it wasn't really a joke either. It was just empty. Empty words come out sometimes. It's one of my issues that I plan to work on/ am working on. I want the words that I say to matter. And I want them to be validated by what I do. I don't want to be 100% talk and 0% action, because after awhile no one would take me seriously. Ever.

The above relates to me in the natural world. As a Christian...there's a time for talk. For prayer. For encouraging. For rebuke/correction. But other times, as a Christian, it's time for action. DO something. But where is that line?

I have no clue, but today's reading made me think about it a bit:

But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight. This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.

1 John 3:17-24

Honestly, I'm wishing that the reading plan would get me out of 1 John. This is a hard letter...and after I read the passage I just stare at a blank screen thinking: now what? But this one actually hit pretty close to home in some points. I'll try to share as openly as possible. But here's the basic breakdown:

If you've got it...give it

If you see someone with a need that you can fill...please don't bother praying. YOU are likely the blessing, the miracle, or the way that has been made for this individual! If you don't fight it. I think it's interesting that this scripture says that the person first sees, and second closes their heart. It means that as a Christian, the default position of your heart is open. The Spirit of God has made you that way. But because the flesh and our human nature war against the Spirit (Galatians 5:17) we can walk in disobedience to our changed heart. Think about that. Your first inclination is generally to act but then we talk ourselves out of it, and pray about it later. Two talking events occurred that never had to. Love does. The love of God is active. So our love has to also be active.

Active Love Fuels your Talk

I was just telling my mom that I was having a hard time with prayer. That it felt sad and the more I thought about it, it sort of felt like a chore almost. I realized this because I'm doing a 40 day prayer challenge and it's just a more intentional and intense version of my prayer routine. It's like I'm really asking for things. I'm really attempting to seek God. And it's kind of rough! It's hard! So I had to examine why. And this is what I came up with:

• I'm ashamed at my faith level. I'm not 100% believing that every prayer I pray will be answered. James 1:6-7 says that in that case, I shouldn't expect to receive anything. So...I sort of don't! It's like a death spiral. A cycle of prayer tragedy.
  
• But I can't give up on praying, because then I absolutely won't receive. Mark Batterson says 100% of prayers not prayed go unanswered. Makes sense. So, I think to myself that as long as I don't give up there is a chance that my little faith will be enough. That God will make it enough.
  
• Then I think: what if I'm wrong, and I'm wasting both my time and God's?
  
• Finally, I don't like crying. I don't feel the "release" that tears supposedly brings. It makes me feel more burdened. Like if I cry I'll wonder "was that a good prayer session," "was that enough?" 

From journaling this all out, I noticed that I seemed to be putting too much pressure on my prayer, and not enough pressure on the God who has to answer. I was letting my heart condemn me. I was looking at myself and saying "I'm not good enough" so by extension, my prayer cannot be good enough. But here's the clincher, God is greater than my heart and knows all things. He knows what I want. He knows what I need. He knows how much faith I have. He knows my intentions (good and bad). He flat out, simply, knows. And he still cares. There's a great really repeated verse in scripture (my favorite iteration of it is in Job):

"What is mankind that you make so much of them; that you give them so much attention?" Job 7:17

So as to wasted time? My time isn't wasted because God is paying attention to the likes of me. I don't know what's in it for God, but for some reason my words aren't a waste of His time. He's into us. So in this regard, we do the talking. And God provides the action. And we can know that we will receive what we ask for if we keep His commandments. 

Keep His commandments. Sink your battleship. 

At least my battleship was sunk when I saw that, except look at the commandments. This is the abbreviated list. The umbrella list, the-God-is-greater-than-your-heart-and-knows-all-things-list!

Commandment 1: Believe in the name of Jesus - check! 

Commandment 2: Love one another - Trying! By His Holy Spirit...check!

I don't have to be perfect to get a prayer through, because God is perfect. And is in the business of perfecting. And a part of me thinks that perfecting process happens through prayer. 

And through actively loving. It's about talking when it's time to talk. Acting when it's time to act. And both of those being fueled by faith and love. 

Easy? No. Doable? I think so.