Do you ever feel like you're "in over your head?"
Every time I step out to do something new and exciting, I feel that way. I never feel "ready," "prepared," or "equal to the task."
At first.
Everything that has felt that way has worked out. Or it hasn't worked out. There's a 50/50 chance. When I first starting working at my company, the person above me suddenly quit. I had only been on the job maybe 4 months, and I didn't know that much yet. However, my director saw this as an "opportunity" for me. He thought I could leapfrog my position and become the lead accountant. He kept like saying things like: "I need you to step up." I was both hype AND scared. He clearly was thinking "you can do this"...so I thought: I can do this. And I gave it my best shot. And I failed. We had a disastrous quarter close; I'm talking real late nights (3:00 am departure, no dinner was provided). And after that debacle, they hired someone else to do the job I couldn't do. I was sort of mortified, but it was definitely a learning/growth experience. It was two years until I had that position. And then I was promoted again, and now I'm considered to be the expert in my technical area. But at the time, even though I was excited, even though I was willing, even though my boss said I could, I was "she of little skill."
I was in over my head...at first.
Today's reading comes from the book of Matthew:
And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, “You are certainly God’s Son!”
Matthew 14:25-33
So, here we have a very classic story, which I've actually blogged about before (see Fire in the Hole: Faith Part Deux).
--PAUSE--I love my old blogs. You read them and hear a totally different voice. That's the voice of someone in their 20s! It's a cheerful sound. Oh...how I miss that voice. That's a really good one, and it's hard to top, or to approach differently, so bear with me--UNPAUSE--
So here is my quick breakdown:
Jesus commanded Peter out onto the water - COME!
This is an opportunity for Peter. It's an opportunity for him to show Jesus what's he's made of. Jesus actually encourages him out to the water "take courage," "do not be afraid." All of this says "you can do this."
Peter makes an attempt
So he steps out of the boat. I have to hand it to him for even putting his foot over the side. Can you imagine? Can you imagine believing that you could walk on top of water? That it could hold you? Peter thought: I can do this!
Failure
And then something bad happens. Whether it's because he took his eyes off Jesus, or because his knowledge of the inherent dangers of the sea overtook him doesn't really matter. Jesus told him what went wrong: “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Right about now, I start to get a little antsy. Like, but...I thought I only needed faith the side of a mustard seed? He put his foot on that water. And he walked in it a few steps. That's a lot of faith (to me). So why the "you of little faith" speech?
Preparation
This was preparation. There are a number of instances where Jesus is left shaking his head saying these same words: "o ye of little faith." And every time it happens. Every time the disciples are on the brink of a breakthrough and have this faith breakdown...I think their faith is knitted back together stronger. Jesus knew Peter didn't have it. That's why the second he cried out "Lord, save me!" it says Jesus "immediately" pulled him out. Jesus was ready for this moment. It's just Peter wasn't. He was in over his head. Literally! But I bet you. I BET you it wouldn't happen again.
Peter had a lot of faith-testing moment. A lot of faith-growing moments. He's my favorite apostle, for sure. He really loved Jesus a ton, and he was always trying to do and say things that were pleasing. But yet, his faith wasn't always right. He denied Christ 3x, he refused to hear talk about the resurrection, he didn't want his feet washed....and every time Jesus corrected him. Every time, Jesus built him back up.
He was little faith...at first.But by the end of the Bible...at the end of the verses that talk about Peter? He's big faith.
And because I feel like him, always trying to do and say the right thing...but faith still little, it gives me tons of hope, that I'm only of little faith at first.
Big faith ahead.
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