The Anatomy of a Girl Crush

Disclaimer: This is the kind of post you heed only if you have time (as this is one of my bored posts).

So, I was "leafing" through the CNN Living section this morning, and came across the most rag-tag article on girl crushes that I have ever seen.

If you live under a rock then you may not know what a Girl Crush (GC) is. However, if you're lonely and there is another girl under that rock...you definitely know. But even so, let me educate you:

Girl Crush - ahem...ummm...uh, these urbandictionary.com definitions are largely correct, but I don't think they capture the essence of the GC.

So, it is fair to say that there is not a consensus on the nature of a GC, except for this one CRITICAL point: it's usually not sexual. The girl crush is definitely a hetero thing, but what CNN failed to grasp is the "strength" of the girl crush.

See the CNN Article. And then read--what I feel--is a more accurate depiction of this old-as-time phenomenon from the NY Times. Side Note: I love the NY Times!

Caveat 1: the CNN article isn't wrong, per se. Sometimes it's just that shallow. I always find myself "crushing" (CNN-style) on those girls who can pull off the hippie/bohemian chic look. People with snazzy haircuts, and the tall girls who wear gray leggings with oversized t-shirts that are shredded in the back, and who wear gloves with the fingers cut out. I love (and kind of hate) people who can look "too cool for school" in an almost effortless way!

Caveat 2: The NY Times article isn't right, per se. Sometimes it's just not that serious. But when it IS...that's the crazy stuff! Which really highlights how much more emotionally expressive women are in ALL of their relationships. I feel like CNN reduces the GC to fashion jealousy. And that's just rude and a downplay of the complexity of women. Not that men aren't complex...but...they're not complex. HULK SMASH!

So really, what the two articles depict (when taken together) is a spectrum of emotions that play into female friendships/relationships.

Girl crushes, in my experience, are a distraction. A most welcomed distraction actually. Even in boy/girl-heterosexual-I-write-our-names-inside-hearts-and-imagine-the-names-of-our-children crushes, the rush of that crush is so fun and exciting. Especially when compared with the work of a real relationship, though the relationship is more fulfilling and can lead to long-term happiness.

I feel like girl crushes--because they are so akin to the aforementioned boy/girl crush (you get a lot of the same emotional triggers, imo)--create all the fun and excitement that make you want to fall in love for real. In some ways, you want something more to share with this new friend. And it is in these moments that your girl crush dissipates (or is it grows?) into friendship.

Reasons why the Girl Crush Dissipates (Grows?) into Friendship

1. All Crushes are Based on Fantasy

Crushes are based on your made-up perception of someone's awesomeness, because the crush is developed when NO relationship truly exists. A crush is based on what you've created someone to be based solely on:

• their outward appearance,
• conversations you've overheard (because no one was talking to you), and
• their "paper credentials" (i.e Harvard MBA, was in the Peace Corps, rescued a baby whale, paints/sings/dances/plays piano, etc.).

Once you're in this person's orbit, and you get to know the REAL them...the crush dies. And as long as the real them is tolerable, a friendship can ensue.

2. The Friendship is what you want anyway

The ultimate hope of a crush is to be together. Plain and simple. And so once you've won over your crush, you move into the friendship. And friendships are full of non-crush behavior because expectations now exist and true colors are shown. So you fight, feelings get hurt, you disappoint each other, but at the same time you're so THERE for each other that something much stronger than the crush develops: a real friendship. And that's what you wanted anyway, someone to be "your person." Someone who really gets you. This is what we all want:



If you've ever watched Grey's Anatomy, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't watch Greys...WHO ARE YOU?! Get ye to Hulu immediately! This year was the best season finale of ALL time (on any show...ever).

I am done. That picture of Mere and Cristina though...makes me want a solid BFF again. Darn!