Watch Night 2010

This is it: Watch Night.

I grew up thinking (even though no one explicitly said so) that Watch Night was when the faithful congregants of our church gathered to "watch" for the coming of the Lord. I have since learned, that it's just the way that we traditionally ring in the new year. With prayer, giving thanks for the prior year, fellowship, and Holy Communion. So...given my error in thinking, I decided to look it up: Watch Night.

There is a lot of information, some of it reaching back to John Wesley, which then links back to the Moravian Brethren. Things I know absolutely, positively, NOTHING about. So, I had to look back to the first night service that meant something to ME. Culturally. And for me, the first Watch Night service took place December 31, 1862.

And so on December 31, 1862 hundreds of thousands of African slaves were hoping for their freedom. Why? Because on January 1, 1863 is the date that the Emancipation Proclamation was to be signed. That was the first Watch Night, slaves anticipating the arrival of change. It probably wasn't a religious service that first time, though I'm sure some people prayed. That first Watch Night was undoubtedly about hope. And it's fitting because every New Year's Eve, the world over holds an element of this feeling. This awesome feeling that the thing we want most...that it can actually be had. It can be HAD!

Personal Application

My 2010 had some terrible parts. Parts that, honestly, I don't want to take into 2011 with me. But there are some things over which I have no control. Things that I cannot resolve to do. So this year, instead of New Year's resolutions, I have New Year's hopes:

Job 4:6 - I hope that this year  my confidence is 100% in Christ, and His Will for me. Confidence in my "righteousness" and in my "piety" and the expected resultant blessings is super dumb. I'm hoping that I don't take the bad advice that Job's friends were giving him.

Job 6:11 - I hope for endurance and faith that never fails. I hope and pray that the Lord blesses me with a new measure of faith. I don't have to depend on my strength in order to maintain hope, because when I am weak, then am I strong (2 Corinthians 12:10)

Romans 5:5 - I hope for hope. I know that hope never fails, or leaves me feeling like an idiot (I often feel like an idiot). Why? Because this particular hope is based on my knowledge of God's love for me.
 
2 Corinthians 1:10 - I hope for my deliverance. Certain perils have already been overcome...and those are faith-builders, hope builders.

Those are my hopes. But I have to live them...like they're real. That's the way to become free. On January 1, 1863 there were lots of people who just trusted in the proclamation and walked off. They just walked off like: "yo...I'm free. Deuces!"  Others just waited for someone to tell them they were free. I spent a lot of 2010 sick and lonely, but I'm not waiting for a doctor, or some dude to tell me I'm free. My hope is in the Lord, and I'm boldly walking into 2011 claiming happiness and freedom (not necessarily physically...but in all realms of my life) based on my hope in a proclamation that's like two thousand and ten years old (give or take a few years):


If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Happy New Year! 

Friday Night Fright!

My eyes become heavy. My limbs become cold. My head starts to get that fuzzy feeling, and my breathing becomes slow and difficult. It’s a reaction. A bad one, to be sure. Not quite a panic attack, not quite a tantrum…because there is an element of acceptance in it. There is an element of defeat and self-loathing because I’ve done it AGAIN. I have agreed to go out on a Friday night.

I don't really like going out on Friday nights.

That’s right! I said it! I have kept this secret for fear of derision and judgment. Judged as this loser who likes to snuggle up on the couch in sweats watching movies or catching up on TiVo because they have no friends and no significant other.

Well so be it. I LIKE movies and my TiVo is backed up for miles. I'm behind on The Good Wife and Modern Family. Also, umm...I ADORE sweats. And I have friends! A significant other? Uh...the Lord has not yet seen fit to umm...don't worry about that! That's SO not the issue. We’ve all heard the cautionary tale of the single girl, alone and dateless on Friday night, but truth be told, I don’t think I have ever felt depressed regarding a Friday night in. 

Caveat 1: Saturday is different. If no one calls, texts, e-mails or otherwise tries to contact me on a Saturday, I feel like a social pariah. Friday serves its purpose, but Saturday is for partying. If there's no party, my eyes well up with crocodile tears and pastors may need to be contacted.

Caveat 2: Likewise, on Sunday afternoons, if no one hits me up for brunch and a movie, tears gather at the corners of my eyes. If Sunday isn't met with eggs benedict, or a sushi dinner with friends, or at least a long walk (not in the winter...never in the winter), then really...it's just laundry day. And that is super demoralizing. 

But on Friday…if the phone rings, if g-chat lights up orange, or a chain e-mail graces my inbox…I get a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach as a realization hits me: the Friday night I had dreamed of is dead. Deader than a doornail (bah humbug).

Perhaps saying that I "dream" up a certain Friday night is misleading. It's more that that. On Friday’s I sit at my desk, in my cold office, in Arlington , VA and I fantasize of sleeping. I dream of going home, throwing off the work clothes that so easily beset me, sinking my body into soft high thread-count sheets, curling rapturously beneath warm blankets and letting my mind empty of worry…empty of meaning as I drift into perfect naptime. I know you may be thinking: Girl…you have seriously over-romanticized a nap. NO! This is real to me.  Some people dream of Mr. Right. If you’re an accountant, you dream of sleep. On Friday’s when someone invites me out, my mind says yes, but my body screams no. It’s like a secular war between spirit and flesh. Sad. But all I want is naptime. And when I wake up...at say 1 or 2 am, I then watch TV, play on the internet, watch movies, and amuse myself until the sun is up because I CAN. All that dissipates with a dinner in D.C., or ice skating at the sculpture garden, or a night of dancing. 

Don't get me wrong. Once, I'm doing the aforementioned things...I'm having a ball. But you can't get the Friday back. You can't reclaim lost sleep, and TiVo just gets more backed up. Stop asking me out? Please don't. But please know what that hesitation and trepidation is before I give in. That's me hearing the "che che che che, ha ha ha ha" of Jason coming to murder my Friday.  

Side note: Isn't that little picture so cute?...Jason can't kill anyone because it's the 12th and not the 13th! Hilarious!

That is all. Now, I'm heading out to dinner. Ciao!

Critical Mass

Okay, I've been gone a long time, but I feel like I should write a blog post. Today, at work...I had a slight episode with my hand, a blood flow issue that freaked me out and made me run home, take meds, and veg out on the couch. And on that couch, where sleep alluded me I thought all sort of negative thoughts: I'll never get married! I'll never have kids! THIS is the last Christmas! It was like all these fears were exploding in my head. And it made me think of a nuclear chain reaction. An emotional nuclear chain reaction. All this led to me thinking: what's my critical mass?

Critical Mass - the smallest amount of fissile material needed for a sustained nuclear chain reaction.

My critical mass is fear. And believe me...it doesn't take much. Fear is the material that splits up, and divides my faith. And when my faith is jacked up...I have these self-propagating, destructive thoughts (an emotional nuclear chain reaction).

How do I stop this? HOW?!!

There is some super scientific answer (neuron absorption or whatever) that I don't understand AT ALL...but on a more personal and immediate level...does it suck to say the answer is prayer? It seems so puny, so inconsequential in the face of a NUCLEAR CHAIN REACTION, but it's all I've got.

--Pause-- I went and prayed. I felt like it was stupid to write about prayer without employing it. Why be a hypocrite via my own blog?--UnPause--

Okay, so I prayed. And legitimately...I feel so much better. I feel refreshed. Revived. There are tons of awesome scriptures about prayer, but this is one that my mom taught me about: (this is not exact, but is sort of a re-created convo for the purposes of this blog)

Mom: You know Matthew 7:7?
Me: Not really.
Mom: Yes you do: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you"

At some point, I chimed in and finished the verse. Of COURSE I know that scripture. Who doesn't?

Mom: Why is that written?
Me: ...
Mom: It's in the next verse: "For every one that asketh receiveth"

How simple is that? Prayer stops the nuclear chain reaction. It absorbs the "fear neutrons", it slows down the propagation. It turns things around, it repairs faith. Quite simply: prayer works. And not always in the ways that we think, or not in the ways that we have envisioned (at least not all the time). I prayed about a plethora of things, I asked for things, I knocked on doors, and what I received was peace. Clearly, that's not 100% of what I was asking for, but I can't knock it. I FEEL better. To continue to wallow in self-pity at this point, would be a purposeful act. It would be a willful dismissal of God's comfort. And I'm just not that far gone...

So today, in this moment, I thank God for His peace. And I just have to trust Him for my deliverance, and keep my eyes upon Him. Pray for me and my strength in the Lord.

Temptation: What's the Sin in That? Scene 1.5...or maybe this is an interlude...IDK

After the first post, there were some offline comments/questions that I wish to address.

Comment 1: I don’t get how any of the items you listed were actual sin. How is turning a stone into bread sin/how does this appeal to Pride/Anger?

First off, I’m a behaviorist. Meaning, I believe that the thought process of a person can be determined based on an examination of what they do. Do you ever do something ridiculous, and then say: “WHY did I do that?” The why is very important to understanding why yielding to temptation is sin, rather than the temptation itself.

Second, know that yielding to temptation is the gateway drug to full-blown sin. That’s why it’s clever. On the onset, temptation can appear totally innocuous, but it leads somewhere.

So let’s revisit:

1. “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” – We already determined in Part 1 that Christ had the power to do this. But if he had done it…WHY would it have happened?
1. He would have yielded to the tempter (Satan), rather than resisting Him (see James 4:7)
2. In so yielding, He would have allowed Himself to be tempted into seeing bread as more than bread. It would now be something he NEEDED to sustain Him, and he’d be willing to heed the voice of his enemy in order to gratify His hunger. Personal gratification goes by another name: “Lust of the flesh.” (I John 2:16)

2. “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours.” – We’ve already pointed out that the Earth is the Lord’s; however, Satan has some sway in the earth. In many scriptures he is referred to as “the ruler of this world,” “the prince of the power of the air” etc. So let’s assume he has something of value to actually tempt Christ with. You can’t worship other Gods. That’s clearly a sin. If he had done it…WHY would he have done it?
1. Again, yielding. Yielding is BAD.
2. In so yielding, this would belie a desire for power and glory..in that instant. We know Christ will rule the world (Isaiah 9: 6 -7); it prophesied. Satan, however, was tempting Jesus to look out at the splendor of the world and desire it NOW. This personal aspiration for power/glory/control of what the devil was showing Him is called “the lust of the eye.” (I John 2:16)

3. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” This is a real scripture (Psalms 91:11). However, the two scriptures before that (Psalms 91:9-10) make it clear that the we are to be passive in these situations. Harm befalls and disaster comes. You don’t throw yourself into harm's way, or approach disaster ON PURPOSE. In this way you tempt God (which per Jesus’ quote is a sin) AND you boast in His protection and in the power you wield (aka “the boastful pride of life”).

So, it's the yielding that is a problem. When your previous course of action is changed, based on the introduction of a temptation, then that yielding is representative of a desire, that desire results in action, action based on an evil desire stemming from a temptation is a sin. See James 1:14-15 .

Comment 2 - I think death was the aim of Satan asking Christ to jump.

Okay, could be. But I just want to know this:

In any case, all this leads to Satan’s purpose which was to render Christ an ineffective sacrifice. Which will actually be covered in Temptation: Scene 2. Blah, blah, blah.

Temptation: What's THAT All About? Scene 1

Everyone has hang-ups, things about them that are kinda messed up. For me, I sometimes think that everything is about me. Vain, arrogant…ultimately: foolish. But when it comes to spiritual warfare, I’m not off the mark. Things that happened directly affect me, and are indirectly about me.

I’ve heard the story of the Temptation of Christ numerous times. . And my perception of the story changed a lot from when I was kid, to when I was an adult, to just 2 mornings ago in the shower. That’s right…sometimes thoughts come to me, when my mind should be on body wash and exfoliation.

For purposes of this blog, please take 45 seconds and read it again (Luke 4:1-13).

Thank you for your time.

Evolution of Thought

I. This is Dumb

When I was a kid, my thoughts regarding this scripture were more along the lines of: “Silly devil, Trix are for kids.” I thought everything that happened in the wilderness was ridiculous on the part of Satan because, umm…Jesus is God! When I was a kid, the whole fully God/fully Man thing didn’t mean a hill of beans to me. I was so focused on the “fully God” part that I spent my childhood wondering why Christ didn’t simply blast the devil with the lightning that I was certain He could just shoot out of His hand at will.

As I grew up I realized that God had subjected and submitted Himself to the bounds and limitations of human flesh. And so, my thoughts evolved to:

II. Oh!!! This is an Example

This is what I call the Hebrews 4:15 ideology. The Word became flesh so that It could get where I’m coming from. Duh! Jesus actually let himself be vulnerable (just by nature of being in the flesh) to the attack of Satan. This whole thing is an example of how to withstand the wiles of the wicked one. Jesus answered with scripture, we should respond with scripture. We have to be strong in the Word, it is our only weapon. All that is true, but (and this is part of my shower thought) this is an example of something else as well: how Satan operates:

Per that last verse (Luke 4:13), Satan seeks opportune times to tempt us:

1. When we’re alone – Jesus was by his lonesome in the wilderness.
2. When we’re in a weakened state – Jesus hadn’t eaten ANYTHING in 40 days

And Satan isn’t dumb at all! He’s quite clever. He will tempt you, and attempt to trick you, based on WHO YOU ARE. In this instance, Satan structured this temptation to get at what he figured would be Jesus' weak points based on the fact that He was both fully God and fully Man.

Appealing to the Reality of Jesus' Power

1. “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”
   Satan couldn’t tempt ME with that one, because—tragically—I cannot turn stones into bread. I don’t have that power. But Jesus does! If Jesus is hungry, why wait? He could’ve turned those stones into bread tastier than the most awesome thing Panera has to offer, but He didn’t. Why?

Appealing to Anger and Pride

2. “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours.” First off, per Psalms 24:1, this is a dirty lie. Jesus answers every temptation with scripture. Why didn’t He use this psalm? Because that's a Psalm of praise, and Jesus is all about humility. Satan was trying to provoke anger and pride by taking credit for Jesus' work (i.e. Creation).

Appealing to the Divinity of Christ

3. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” See how he tried to put Jesus on the spot? If you're the Son of God...jump! I won’t lie to you, up until 2 days ago in the shower I thought Satan was trying to trick Jesus into suicide. Genius!! But…it’s bigger than that. If I threw myself off of a cliff, I would die. If Jesus threw Himself off a cliff…what Satan said would happen would probably happen. But something else would happen as well. Something very terrible.

Remember what I said about everything being about me? In the shower, thinking about the whole attempted-trick-suicide thing, I realized, this is all about ME! Well, not just me, but rather us. It was about rendering Christ an:

III.“Ineffective Sacrifice”

Jesus is the perfect sacrifice for our sin, and Satan was pulling all those shenanigans in order to render it ineffective.

More on this in Temptation: Scene 2.

P.S. In case you didn't get my image at the top...that's Jesus at the cliff.

Black Beauty...and I'm not talkin' about a horse!

It's Halloweekend. So, in order to look semi-decent in my costume, it was imperative that I get my hair done. Since I am a procrastinator, instead of getting my hair done last week, on a Saturday or Sunday morning, I waited until Friday night. Friday night is when people, desperate to look cute for the weekend, flock to the salon trying to get "squeezed in" to what are already ridiculously over-penciled appointment books. So I journeyed out to Oxon Hill, MD after work for what turned out to be a harrowing experience.

This is one of the most difficult blogs to write, because I don't want to diss black culture. Not at all. But every black chick knows there are some things we have learned to accept:

1. You Will Wait

What time is your appointment? It doesn't even matter. If your appointment is any time after 11:30 am, you can bet that 45 min to an hour will elapse from the time you walk in the door to when you are seated in the beauticians chair. Yesterday, I was at fault. I came late (though I called ahead). So, I walked in the door at 7:00 pm, sat in the chair at 8:30 pm.

Caveat: What is especially egregious about this particular visit, was that there weren't even any magazines for me to read. I mean, come on! That's the staple of waiting areas worldwide. I feel like the black hair salon should be overflowing with back issues of Essence, Ebony/Jet, and Black Enterprise. But no, I had to sit there and just play with my phone.

2. You WILL Be Solicited

You want purses? They got purses! You want perfumes? They got all the smell goods you NEED! Is it raining outside? They will sell you an umbrella! Is it sunny outside? They will sell you an umbrella! But last night...it was taken to a new level. All the above were in play (minus the perfumes--this time...), but there was one salesman who had wares of a different type:


Salesman: I have flatirons. Top of the line flatirons. $80.
Chick getting her hair done: $80?!!
Saleseman: These are $140 in the stores!
Beautician (sounding tired): I've got all the flatirons I need.
Salesman starts to walk away in defeat...
Chick getting her hair done: ...$45?!
Salesman doesn't even look back.

Then he returns 10 minutes later with--are you ready for this--a wood floor panel.

Imagine you're sitting in the waiting area, and BOOM, a long wood panel starts coming through the door. This dude tried to sell FLOORING at the beauty salon. I think (maybe) I've seen it all. Needless to say, no one bought flooring at this time.

3. You Will Hear Crazy Conversations

There is no telling what you will overhear at the beauty salon. This is why headphones are really smart, and why engrossing magazines are a MUST. In any case, you may hear one-side of the conversation that your beautician is having on the phone. While doing your hair. With a Bluetooth in. These convos range from booking appointments to chatting with their boyfriend. The latter of which I find super annoying...because I am a single. But I digress.

Last night's crazy conversation though, was super awkward. I had to witness and endure the bullying of Shampoo Girl (who literally goes by the name "Shampoo Girl"). For those who don't know, a shampoo girl is a kid, between the ages of say 17 and 19, whose job it is to shampoo hair. This job usually goes to a cosmetology student...but I can't be certain in this particular case. Anyway, I listened to Shampoo Girl get berated for like a solid hour. She was repeatedly referred to as "Mongoloid." I don't know what this means, so...dictionary.com

Mongoloid - adj. relating to or characterized by Down's syndrome

...I just looked that up, and now I'm mad. I mean, that's just plain rude, and all around INCORRECT. Super uncool. Even not knowing what that meant exactly, I felt like the situation was getting out of hand. You can crack on someone a little. But there is a point when enough is enough. I had to surmise that they didn't like Shampoo Girl.

I get all of the above for $85+tip. Talk about a bargain. A friend told me of a black hair salon on the ground floor of her apartment building. This friend lives in WALKING DISTANCE of my house. So, just on the basis of convenience alone, I have to try this. I trek out to Oxon Hill, MD because I'm desperate. When I move to a new town...a hairdresser is amongst the first things I try to find.

Now, the following was not representative of my experience at the salon. But I LOVE it. It's too hilarious to not have more views (my only gripe: one curse word. I hate cursing): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KowVSOjDKtU

Good night cruel world!

No Hiking, No Jumping off Cliffs. So...I Don't Need a Parachute

I'm supposed to go hiking today. However, my knee has sustained an overuse injury. Upon going to the doctor for a green light on the hike, I was given a yellow:

"A hike?! Sure, you can go...but it'll hurt." :'(

Brooke's guest comment: "we are really going to miss kristen today. like, we'll be hiking, but i'll really be crying more than walking."

Yes, that means Brooke and all the hikers are starting to mill around my house--I was the meeting location.  They're already having fun WITHOUT me (weeping). This looks like a really cool group. I'm missing out. Maybe it's worth banging up my knee some more...no.

Okay, enough sadness.
-----------

So on Thursday I saw my ultimate Girl Crush in concert: INGRID MICHAELSON! I must say, it made my life. I mean, the experience was the perfect amount of drama and awesomeness and it begins with:

Cab Ride of Doom

So I leave work at 5:15 to catch 6:00 doors for the concert. As a city girl (I've lived in big cities: Chicago/DC for the past 4 years) I have never quite gotten the hang of how to manage a cab driver. For shame. They always offer you options that you can't really pick between:

Cab driver: So do you want to take 18th or 12th?
As a city girl, I know this is a dirty TRICK. One way equals more fare for him. The other way equals reduced fare and happiness for me. The game is on! Usually I ask "which way is fastest?" but I always think they're lying to get more fare. So since the concert venue is at 8th and V, I think that logically 12th is closer and say "Take 12th."

35 MINUTES LATER we are at 12th and I St. (many letters from V) and I'm concerned.

Me: Is there a faster way?! (desperation creeps into my voice)
Cab driver: (With fake apologetic tone) We should have taken 18th...it would have been faster. But now, we just have to wait. 
...
Cabbie for the win.

However, I still arrived at 6:04 where my friend, Marie, was holding down our spot in the line that stretched around 9th street for a SOLD OUT concert. Anxiety down.

The Balcony

We weren't the FIRST people to walk into the show, and given our statures (both very short), there was no sense in standing on the floor. Taller people would simply obstruct our view. So we looked up and BEHOLD the balcony was barren. So we go up there and block off our spots right against the railing: perfect view.

But oh no...we're thirsty. And oh no...we have to use the bathroom. The concert vultures are circling...waiting for the opportunity to steal our gravy position. Vultures who came at 645 and expect to just amble up the railing for a spot that others waited in line hours ago to secure. We took note of a kindred spirit next to us, and made a pact to hold down our entire area. So Marie goes to the restroom, and IMMEDIATELY two people tried to roll up. I was like "hey, this is my friends spot...she JUST went to the restroom." So I had to spread myself out a little to hold both spots. Then two people came up to threaten Kindred who was holding it down for her husband. She politely told these girls there was "no room for them."

Girl: There's nobody standing here so there's plenty of room.
Kindred: I told you my husband is getting food and drinks, so this spot is taken. 
Girl: I mean, you can't just block off this space. 
Kindred: I came early, and stood in the line to get this space. My husband is just getting food and drinks. And you're right there's TONS of room, just not in the front.

Boo yah! Girls had to step. Now had this been a rap concert, people might've had to throw down (Note: throw down = fight). But because this is Ingrid Michaelson, who sings about everybody just wanting to be loved, violence was improbable.

Concert

This concert was really late starting, but ultimately excellent. I cried at her cover of R.E.M. "Nightswimming." I cheered for her new songs: "Parachute" and "Annihilate." And I rocked out on her heavy metal version of "The Way I Am." Ingrid is truly awesome. She's funny, she always wears her glasses...we're like...solid. She's my fantasy BFF.

Ingrid quote of the year: "This song is shiny and happy. It's like care bears pooping skittles onto Strawberry Shortcake's bonnet...while drinking tang on a flower."

I loved the concert so much, and was so freaked out that I cried that I wrote a poem...the title needs work:

Ode to Ingrid

Totally captivated by the beauty of your voice,

Melody so pure and perfect, a teardrop had no choice

But to make its way to the edge of my eyelids,

It ran down to the corner and slid…down the curve of my face

A testimony to my basking in the melodic grace of your tunes

Even the hardest heart isn’t immune…I need a music vaccination

To curtail the symptoms of my fascination with your songs.

Peace!!

Waiting for What?

Every month I have fewer and fewer posts. I post more when I'm unhappy. It's kind of like how Mary J. Blige's BEST work is from when she was being cheated on and quite possibly...beaten. The music was awesome when her life was in shambles. Likewise, when my dating life was ridiculous, and my health was failing my blog soared, but now...

To summarize I am: (1) listless, (2) feeling directionless at the moment, and (3) not all that upset about it. It's a kind of dangerous complacence.

And it's not just my blog. It feels like my whole life is in a holding pattern, as if I am waiting for something to happen. Something to inspire me, something to change me...What am I waiting for? Is waiting always OK? When is waiting wrong?

Well, there are two situations that I think can be used to (potentially) answer these questions. Both situations deal with WAITING ON THE LORD.

Waiting on the Lord when:

There's Nothing More You Can Do

2 Chronicles 20 - This is a classic Bible story (well...they're ALL pretty classic, given how old they are, but this one is POPULAR).

Background: King Jeoshaphat is about to be attacked (and most definitely rocked) by a LOT of soldiers, far more than he and the Israeli army can defeat. The situation looks super bleak. There's really nothing he can do, except seek God's help (2 Chronicles 20: 3-4)

Once King J has gathered all the people together who are unified in their worship, he spits out an AMAZING prayer. I call it "The Prayer of Expectation." I posted another blog today about expectations, and it relates to the fact that we can wrongly expect certain behavior out of people who are not emotionally/mentally wired to meet our expectation. Thanks be to God, we don't have that problem with Him. The Lord has set precedents of His power and love, which we can draw on to fuel our expectations of him. See 2 Chronicles 20:5-12 for the whole prayer. My concentration is on verse 12 and 13:

"...For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."

This is a hardcore declaration of faith and trust in the Lord. He's saying: "We've got nothing. We're looking to you to deliver us." He puts 100% of the responsibility for his and the people's deliverance on the Lord. This is what it means to "Give it to God." In my opinion. Waiting like this is A-OK.

The rest of the story: God honored King J's prayer and caused confusion and craziness in the enemy camp. They all turned on each other and killed each other. The Israelites never had to lift a finger to fight.


There's Something You Can Do

Background: Jesus has just departed for Heaven. He basically told the disciples not to leave Jerusalem but wait there for the Holy Spirit, which would give them power to fulfill the mission He set out for them.

Acts 1:9-11

Jesus left and the disciples were there just standing around, gazing into heaven. And the two men (most likely angels, based on their choice of outfit), let them know that Jesus is coming back the same way He left: suddenly and without warning. You don't want to spend the wait time standing around.

The disciples surely didn't stand around; they immediately started setting up their ministry. First order of business: replacing Judas Iscariot. They held regular church meetings, which is why they were all together in the Upper Room when the Holy Spirit fell upon them.

So now we, also, wait. Wait for the coming of the Lord, but we can't just stand around gazing up into heaven...waiting for Christ to crack the cloud. We have to be about our Father's business. What does He want YOU to do? Got me! I'm still not sure what He wants ME to do (specifically--I know in general, see What's My Purpose). Maybe the more I pray about it...the more I blog about it, the sooner clarity will come.


Thoughts?


Well for the blog I have to just TYPE (regardless of my complacence).
And for the rest of my life...my eyes are upon the Lord.

Great Expectations: The Source of Fighting

"A hidden issue can't get triggered unless an expectation is violated." --random website


Expectations lead to violations, violations to disappointment, disappointment to fights. I HATE fights!

Some focus on the disappointment in friendships/relationships stemming from unreasonable expectations, but I think that's false. Expectations, separated from the person you have set them upon, cannot be unreasonable. I think it is rather an issue of misplaced expectations; placing our expectations on the wrong people. Not people who are wrong but who are rather, wrong for us and wrong for what we expect. These are people with different perceptions and worldviews. For example: If two people fall in love with each other, but have a different definition of what love is, what it looks like, what it feels like, etc. they will both experience grave disappointment. Neither one is wrong about love. It's just that their version of love is not what the other person expected.


Side Note: But what do you do about that "love" part? Even when it doesn't meet expectations, you still feel it. If it's a romantic relationship, I guess you have to decide if you want more. Either kick that person to the curb or settle for disappointment. With friendships, I think you can either alter your expectations to meet theirs, just to maintain the association. However, if you need more out of your friendships...I think you have to look for someone else to be your primary friend. Someone who has the same expectation of a friendship. That way you take the power away from the other person...that power to disappoint.

This is why compatibility (more so than attraction, or a few good times/memories) is SO key. When you want the same things, enjoy many of the same things, when you think the same things about love, jealousy, communication...when you have at least SOME common paradigms...then disappointment is less frequent, and less severe. This is because you both have the same expectations, and now it's just a matter of rightly exercised reciprocity (which has it's own pitfalls).  

The big question though--the one that is asked in friendships, in romantic relationships, in business-partnerships-gone-terribly-wrong--is the doozie: "Well...what did you expect?"

"..."


This is worth some investigation.
  

Grave Clothes: Faith Part Trois

Let's start with the scripture: John 20:1-9 (Please Read)

¹Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. ²So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they have put him!" ³So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. ⁴Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. ⁵He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. ⁶Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, ⁷as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. ⁸Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. ⁹(They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

Faith Part Three

OK! It's finally here: Faith Part Three! (clapping, cheering, people passing out from the sheer excitement)

I'm taking serious license with this post. The seed of this blog post is not an original thought, but I've tended to it with my own insight (and that of the Holy Spirit) so as to grow it into something that is mine. So...bear with me (this might be bad). The focus from the above passage is on verses 6 and 7 (highlighted in blue above).

So, the question I'm asking is: Why did Jesus leave behind his grave clothes?

The grave clothes are a silent testimony saying quite simply: "I have overcome." Christ conquered the grave, and stepped away from it completely. Jesus was resurrected; so why would a living man wear the clothes of a dead man. Death was His past, and he left it neatly (folded up and everything) behind Him.

Are you Wearing Grave Clothes?

This is a question you need to ask yourself. There are two situations in which we acquire grave clothes:

1. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with... (Romans 6:6) - In this way, grave clothes are the person we used to be, and the things we used to do when we were dead spiritually.
2. Two months ago I was sick, now I am healed. Fear of disease = grave clothes. Last year "Sally" was in a bad relationship, she broke away. Fear of intimacy/distrust of men = grave clothes. Grave clothes = any remnant or piece of something conquered that signifies or identifies you with the thing conquered.

I'm dealing more with situation 2. Christ beat death; He overcame the grave, and when He left the sepulcher, He left everything having to do with it behind. We have to be the same way! When you have been delivered; or when you have overcome something, the very FIRST thing you should do is take off your grave clothes. In fact, I bet if we were listening...we'd hear God tell us to remove our grave clothes. Why do I say that? Because He's done it before:

⁴³...Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" ⁴⁴The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." (John 11:43,44)

First, take OFF the clothes! Second, "Let him go." Be free!

So, it begs the question: If we are alive (those who are "new creatures" walking in the newness of life), why are we still wearing our old grave clothes?! That's on the overall spiritual tip (i.e. Situation 1). Situation 2: when issues, situations, failures, etc. that we have overcome and been delivered from (by the grace of God) still crop up in our life, still pop up in our thought-processes, and paralyze us with fear. We are still wrapped up in the grave clothes of the past and it keeps us from truly living.

For me, the grave clothes are the car accident I had when I was 8, and the brain aneurysm I beat 2 months ago. Accident = overcome. Aneurysm = delivered from. Grave clothes? Still on. Why? Well, it's because I never quite stopped being afraid, and never stopped worrying. And when you're afraid, it's because you have set aside your faith. And in that situation, you default to what you think is sure: math. We already had a blog about God and Math (check it out if you never read it). Think about it: mathematical forecasts are based on historical data. I've been looking at historical life data, and forecasting out the remainder of my life. But instead of seeing deliverance (which is also a part of my history), since my faith is set aside...I see more problems. But like I've said before: 1+1 doesn't always equal 2. My situation tomorrow is not predicted by yesterday's failures, illnesses, or whatever.

So what can I do? I've got the grave clothes on. How do I get them off? You guessed it! Faith. Know this, faith is fear's arch nemesis. But faith can only help us if we use it. Up above, I said that faith was set aside. The scripture refers to faith as our shield. It can only protect you, if you're holding it up. Fear is of the devil. Therefore, it is only fitting that fear, which is powerless against faith, has to trick you into letting down your defenses. The devil is full of tricks. Don't be tricked.

I leave you with these two hot verses:

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." I John 4:18 (KJV---I like this one)

Perfect Love is this: that Christ died for us. Love is the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and fruit has a period of time before it is ripe. But I will cast my cares upon the Lord, focus on His perfect love, and watch fear abate as I am perfected in love. Knowing this:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."--(Philippians 3:12,13,14)

FIN

Rest of 2010 Movie Review: I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Disclaimer: This post has a LOT of links, so remember: right click, open in new tab or window

As many of you know, I am the HUGEST movie buff. Last year, I watched every Oscar-nominated film prior to the airing of the awards show. And that was the year there were 10 nominees. I thought An Education should have won the top prize, but I'm not bitter.

So this Fall movie season is shaping up to be something awesome, and so I wanted to share my top 5 favorite fall trailers with you all, and hopefully...those of you who are in my neck of the woods will accompany me to a few shows:

Never Let Me Go (click link for trailer) - I'm very excited about this for three reasons:

1. Carey Mulligan - This is who I believe was robbed for An Education. She deserved her Oscar! Maybe this is her second chance. Two years in a row...let's see her nominated. Plus...you know how I feel about short, snazzy haircuts!


2. Keira Knightley - Have we seen this chick since Atonement? I've loved her in movies for years, and am excited to see her take another crack at the big award.


3. Sally Hawkins - OMG! I love her! I love her! I love seeing Sally's career take off. She's moving from bit roles, to leading roles (Happy-Go-Lucky) , to important roles. She was also in An Education, and she's going to rock out this movie as Miss Lucy.

Not to mention, this is from the author of The Remains of the Day, which was adapted into a beautiful film that is one of my all-time favorites. I'm thinking movie night with the roomies... And on top of that, what are "donations"?! Smells like sci-fi, and I can't wait!

The Tillman Story

This true-life tale of the death of NFL star Pat Tillman looks REALLY thought provocative, and eye-opening. I love movies like that. I'm not big on documentaries, but I'll see them if I think it's going to really get inside my head. This documentary has that potential. This won't play in small towns like Toledo, OH or Valparaiso, IN so people in D.C. and Chicago should thank their lucky stars that they'll have the opportunity to support this film in theaters. The trailer alone sparks heated debate, but I'll save my opinion until I've seen the film in its entirety.

Conviction
In a word: Hilary.

Is the Swankster going for THREE?! First off, Hilary Swank is one of my favorite actresses. She's silver screen magic in my opinion (umm...ahem...The Core, 11:14, P.S. I Love You, The Reaping, and countless other trash notwithstanding). All my love for her comes from The Next Karate Kid, Boys Don't Cry, and Million Dollar Baby. The latter two messed me up! I've never cried SO HARD; I went to bed disturbed and with my thoughts all scattered. And those two movies, of course, were how she earned the TWO Best Actress Academy awards that she possesses. Two best actress wins at her age is phenomenal. She's phenomenal, and...she's going for three.

Due Date

Hey, I like comedies too!! Though this will not be in the Oscar race...not even on the sidelines of the race, it looks worthy of my $11. I mean, who doesn't love RDJ, and Zach Galifianakis has YET to let me down. Has he let you down? I mean, he's like a comic genius.

Black Swan

This trailer is NUTS! First of all, who has seen a bad Natalie Portman flick? Come on...who?! She picks and chooses wisely. She's not all over the box office, we see her once, twice, three times a year TOPS (and some years we don't see her at all), and every time it is a superb performance. I love psycho thrillers. I love psycho-sexual thrillers. And this looks like one of those two...WAIT! I saw a bad Natalie film, I'm not sure it's bad...but it bothered me. Maybe it was the subject matter (the Spanish Inquisition): Goya's Ghosts. Enough said.

Well, that's five, but I want to see Blue Valentine. Currently, there's not a good quality trailer available, and so I'm not even sure I want to see it, but it stars Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. Ryan Gosling...I heart you! I mean, he's super hot, and a very romantic actor. Michelle Williams...have we seen her since Heath Ledger's demise? A little, but not a lot. It's nice to see her out working again!

Let's not play games, clearly I'm excited about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, but we don't have to talk about that at length...do we? DO WE?!!

I Was Weak with Laughter

It's not very often I find internet content that makes me cry with laughter. Not very often at all. However, tonight, I was blessed by one of my friends with a Facebook message urging me to read a series of e-mails between the owner of a lost cat and the graphic designer she wants to create a lost poster.


I laughed...a lot! So much so that my roommate asked me if I was alright. And I'm not! My stomach hurts now. But it was worth it. I hope you love it as much as me.

ALERT: This is crazy sarcasm. Sarcasm so heavy a person could be crushed beneath the weight of it. However, it's so deliciously witty that death by crushing may not be so bad. Click here to read the article.

Now wasn't that funny?

I love it because in the Facebook message my friend said "I thought of you when I read this, this is just our type of humor..." And it totally is, this is the kind of thing that used to make our DAY in college. Sadly, I don't get the opportunity to lay the sarcasm on this thick...ever! It's a gift being this sarcastic. I applaud this guy. Kudos!

Sunday Post - What's my Purpose?

It's been a really long time since I wrote a "Sunday Post." I think there is more to be said on faith, but this week I was thinking about being a disciple of Christ.

We all know that we're supposed to be witnesses, that our light is supposed to shine, and that we're supposed to "teach all nations" blah, blah, blah. However, sometimes it seems like that is someone else's job. It's someone else's purpose. But then I had this random thought: "if I put on Christ..."

Sometimes that's how a good Bible study starts: with a super random thought.

What is My Purpose?

Everyone has purpose issues. Everyone is confused about their goals in life. But, as Christians, if we have wisdom…we have determined that what is TRUE and RIGHT is for our purpose to be aligned with God’s purpose.

But what does God want from me? We find our purpose clearly laid out in Romans 8:29:

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Is it crazy, that of all the things I think I SHOULD be in this life, I'm really supposed to simply be JUST like Christ? God wants me to want…what HE wants. God wants me to LOVE what HE loves. God wants me to DO what HE would do. If my purpose is to be just like Christ, then His goals must be MY goals.

Kind of takes away some of the confusion about what I should be striving for...

What are the Goals of Christ?

The best way to determine which goals I should take on, I should see what Jesus actually came to do...what were dude's goals?

1. I Timothy 1:15: "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”
2. Mark 2:17: and Jesus said… “They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
3. Luke 19:10 "For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost."
4. John 12:46 "I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on Me should not abide in darkness.

So we’ve heard why Christ came. We’ve heard his goals: to save sinners by seeking the lost and sick, and to be a light in the world. But what does that mean for me? I'm not Christ...I can't SAVE anyone. My job is faith. Bada bing...bada boom. BUT WAIT, because Christ had one more goal: To send.

John 20:21: "As My Father hath sent Me, even so send I you."

He sends you,

1. To SEEK those who are lost, and those who are sick!

a. To seek them! This is deep, because we like them to “come to us” or we ask God to “send them to us.” But that wasn’t Christ’s approach. We are to seek those who need Christ.

He sends you,

2. To be a Light in the World.

a. Matthew 5:14-16 says: Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

"As My Father hath sent Me, even so send I you." (A little dramatic reiteration…)

Even so, Christ sends YOU. He sends you. He sends me. Do we accept the call? There was a time when we all sat in church as lost sinners. There was a time when we sat in congregations as seekers for something more, and someone asked us to accept a call. Then, it was the call to salvation. Then, it was the call to His Grace. But, now, this is something else. Now, it is a call to true purpose. This is a call to be more like Christ by taking on His mission…

Disclaimer: This is not a “call via blog.” No, no, no...I'm not admonishing anyone to take to the field. I'm talking to and about ME. Knowing this (the aforementioned) do I have a right to still act aimless? Do I have a right to still look at my life and say "what now Lord?"

That random thought kind of haunts me: “If I put on Christ”...then I put on His mission.

Convicted...