Saturday, April 10, 2010

Impromptu Haiku Movie Review: Why Did I Get Married Too?

Two hearts beat as one...
Not in this marital flick
TP, this film sucks

Why Did I Get Married Too? is a comedy from playwright-turned-film-director Tyler Perry. This sequel continues the saga of the annual marriage retreat, which is attended by four very unhappily married couples each year. On this retreat, they work on their marriages and remind themselves of why exactly they got married in the first place. The first movie was great. I mean...a wine bottle was smashed over someone's head. That's high drama! Sadly, this movie was an unsuccessful attempt to recapture former greatness by reversing all the progress the couples made in the first film, and then rehashing those previously resolved issues with new twists and pointless cameos (i.e. Cicely Tyson--who I honestly thought was dead, and The Rock).

As much as I try to love and support Black film...I'll put it down (way down, like 6 feet under) when it's warranted. WDIGM2? warrants such a put down. I feel like this has to be done via a list:

1. The first 20 minutes were UNBEARABLE. If I had to hear someone say the beach house was "beautiful" one more 'gain I was gonna lose it. I closed my eyes for a split second, but I realized that I paid $10.75, and I couldn't go to sleep because it might get better later. It didn't.

2. This movie makes no sense. I don't understand how Tyler Perry can write movies about the marriages of highly educated, successful, affluent Black couples and still have them acting SO hood. Something about that seems--for lack of a better word--fake. The character of Angela (played by Tasha Smith) was just so out-of-control ghetto in this movie. I mean, she was my favorite in the first film. She was that kind of witty rude/crude that is legitimately funny and belies intellect. Now she's nothing but a wealthy chicken head with an AWESOME weave. (see definition #4 at the always reliable UrbanDictionary.com; the other definitions were beyond the scope of what I mean...she's not promiscuous)

3. The movie is really depressing. I mean REALLY. I went to the theater to laugh and I cried a little. I cried for my $10.75. I spent some moments thinking of how I could have better spent that money...I mean, it was down the drain! Never to be seen again.

The movie really paints marriage in a bad light. Wait, no...a bad light would mean that marriage was somewhat illuminated. However, this cast marriage into darkness. Like Why Would I Want to Get Married? Sad.

Honorable Mentions of Grossness:

A. Tyler Perry is not sexy. I wish he would not insert himself into movies and be anyone other than Madea, because all I could see was Sharon Leal climbing all over Madea. I threw up a little bit in my mouth...

B. Janet Jackson looked really uncute for the majority of the film. I'm going to need her to take care of that. Until then, I'll hang on to my memories of Janet circa Velvet Rope.

Honorable Mentions of Greatness: These two hotties. We have Michael Jai White (remember Spawn?) to the left. And we have the GORGEOUS Lamman Rucker to the right. Are these men married? If not, I'm totally available...to either one of them. However, I love Lamman. Look at his eyes! They say: "Krissy K, will you accept this ring as a token of my love and devotion to you?" YES!!!!


All in all, it was bad beyond explanation. Use your $10.75 on something worthwhile:

Pack of gum - $1
Ice Cream - $3.99
2 Movies from RedBox - $2
Chapstick - $1.29
Two 4 pc nuggets and a med fry - $2.97
...put the rest in a tip jar, or in the cup of a homeless man

Or just keep it in your pocket and go to sleep...trust me, it's better than WDIGM2?

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