To Date or Not to Date

To Date or Not to Date?
That is the question?
Whether 'tis nobler for the heart
to hold fast to inhibitions and surrender nothing
Or take arms against a sea of neurosis
and by opposing find love?
--Ragtag Totally Butchered Shakespeare


So what am I trying to say? So there's this guy that I've been seeing, and I am not really feeling him at the moment. In fact, in my minds eye I don't really see this EVER turning into something meaningful. Then why, you might ask, don't I just give him the boot, the old "heave-ho!", kick him to the curb? It's quite simple:

1) I'm 27...enough said?

2) THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM!!

He's moderately attractive, he has a nice job, he's kind, he laughs at my jokes, he's attentive, and he's not pushy. He's a nice guy. All my life I've shook my head at all the "nice guys finish last" garbage. I've always thought: "I wish I could meet a legitimately NICE guy." Truth be told, my life has been fraught with losers. Some people say they only date losers. Not me. I DECLARE I have only dated losers (with the exception of 1 guy...who was awesome, and who I still hold out secret hope for). Actually, I guess it's not so secret anymore, but you don't know who he is; so it's still technically a secret. Ha! Take that blog!

In any case, let's examine what I mean by "loser."

Krissy K's Loose Criteria for Identifying a Loser Based on Prior Experience

1. If he ever starts a sentence with "As soon as I get my..." you know he doesn't have anything coming.

People who are always waiting for something along the lines of a "big break" or a "disability check" because a file cabinet fell on their foot at work, or anything of that nature have very high potential for loserdom. They are not automatically losers, because some of these people really WILL get a disability check, and some of them actually WILL get a big break (talent lives under some pretty strange rocks). The question is: How long are you willing to wait around for your frog loser to turn into a prince?

Caveat: I always say - "I don't date people with dreams." So I've personally learned to beware of rappers, producers, beat-makers, poets, painters, etc. These people are always waiting for something.

2. He complains about the cost of the date, whilst on the date, when the date was ALL HIS IDEA.

I hate this. First of all, if you are broke, then you are in no position to date. You are in a position to wait. You need to take a hiatus from the dating scene until you get your life in order. Second, do some research. You need not be shocked by the bill when it magically appears on the table. You need not gasp in outrage when you find out the cost of bowling shoes. Google works! However, if you are truly broke you may not have access to high speed internet, at which point maybe I understand.

They try to make you feel guilty, like you're draining every bit of their money. Like if they pay for that dessert...their heat will be cut off. Why should I feel guilty? You asked ME out, and guess what? I'm hungry.

Caveat: Someone is not going to come right out and tell you he is broke. He will show you by suggesting that you guys simply "hang out" at your place and watch DVDs for like the 2nd and 3rd date. That way he's conveniently at your apartment on the 3rd date thinking he's about to get somewhere after "wooing" you with The Hurt Locker (his choice, not yours).

3. He calls you at all crazy hours of the night.

Do I even need to expound upon this?

4. He tells you all about ex-girlfriends, and refers to all of them as "crazy."

Maybe it's just me, but I hate hearing about ex-girlfriends. However, if I do hear about ex-girlfriends, I kind of want it to be more in terms of "she really got me hooked on Talib Kweli" or "we just wanted different things out of life." However, when it's all "that b#$%^ was crazy," or "she just stood outside the apartment door screaming...I wasn't letting her in with her acting like that!"or "...so I KNEW the baby wasn't mine" or "she said she would kill herself if I..." What place do any of these sentences have in first date conversation? PLEASE! SOMEONE TELL ME!

Caveat: I am of the opinion that girls do not become "crazy" in a vacuum. The more you tell me about how nutters she is, the more I start to think: what did you DO to her?!

5. If he threatens you with violence...even jokingly.

I went on a bowling date once with a guy. I was beating him, which he didn't take too well. He had just taken a turn, knocked down 9 out of the 10 pins. With one pin up, he approaches to knock down the spare. Halfway up the lane, he turns around, and with a twinge of menace in his eyes says: "That pin down there is you." Imagine my shock! He takes aim, rolls the ball, and misses. Gutter ball. As he returns to his seat, I get up, walk past him to pick up my ball, and snidely say: "You missed me." Boo yah! Take that Bad Date!

Those are my top 5. They are not really transferable to the female dating population at large. It's more just to illustrate how my life is both (a) a cautionary tale, and (b) a comedy of errors. So if you by chance DO date a guy who does these things, or you ARE a guy who does these things...simply stop.

So this all leads back to Nice Guy. What to do? Based on the caliber of men I'm accustomed to dating, he is a veritable find! He's e-mailed me twice today, and I feel like...I should call him. I don't feel comfortable with him paying for another date. That feels wrong. But at the same time I feel like maybe if I give this time, something "magical" will happen. Or it won't. I don't want to waste his time, but I don't want to look back when I'm 28 and say: "I should have given Nice Guy more of a chance." It's a real dilemma. Or is it?