The Tragedies of Being Short

short [shawrt], adjective -

1. having little length; not long.
2. extending or reaching only a little way
3. having a scanty or insufficient amount of

DISCLAIMER: I pick and choose the definitions to suit the purposes of my blog...deal with it.

Sometimes being short is the most frustrating thing in the world. I take solace in this simple truth: I am the tallest girl in my family. No lie. I stand at a solid 5 feet, 2 inches (5'2"), and people in my family often say stupid things like, "I wish I was tall like you Krissy." Laughable!

Just this morning--as I was getting dressed--I thought to myself: "Why is there so LITTLE of me?" I am not a lot. I am "a little." This made me ponder the ___ major problems with being short (the blank is because I have no idea where this is going):

1. When you are short people sometimes pat your head.

I AM NOT A CHILD. And even if I was that is still ridiculously rude. Kids have dignity too. I feel like only one person in this world has the right to pat my head and his name is Chris Kringle (aka SANTA). Any other head patters are just plain wrong.

Caveat: The head-patters also say something stupid when they pat your head, like: "you are soooo little." Duh. If I wasn't little, you wouldn't be patting me.

2. You can never see at concerts.

I am a huge concert goer. I love them! However, if I'm not standing in the front row of the floor, or the front row of the balcony...trouble. I like to think I'm hardcore, like I would "throw some 'bows" or just otherwise get people out of my way. But I'm not. They paid just like I paid. They just happened to be tall, and I happened to be short. It's the way the cookie crumbles.

Caveat: HOWEVER, when some giant just saunters up and stands in front of me...I seethe. I hate these Goliath-wannabes who push their way through the crowd to stand in front of girl. Oh yeah, Mr. Tough-stuff...what a punk.

3. You have to walk very quickly when in the company of tall people.

You talls just don't understand...my legs are shorter, and so even if my legs are moving at exactly the same pace as yours, I'll be like 10 steps back. In order to keep up with the tall, I have to increase my speed by at least 30 - 50% (estimated percentages, no study has been performed). This means I'm slightly out of breath during conversations, or not listening because I'm thinking: "I HATE tall people, why are they walking so FAST!"

Caveat: If you are tall, consider slowing it down a bit. I mean, in the long run what's worse? Me having to run to keep up with you, or your enjoying a leisurely stroll to our destination? Think on it.

4. There is always something that you can't reach.

And I do mean ALWAYS. I hate going to groceries stores and having to pull things down off the top shelf. It requires a bit of climbing...sometimes maybe a little jumping. It's embarrassing to say the least. I hate when there is like ONE of an item left on the top shelf. That means it's pushed all the way to the back, and that I have to use something long (like a box of spaghetti noodles) to kind of hook it and bring it forward...all so I can then climb up/jump up to grab it. It's an ordeal. And they'd better not put a jar of something I need up there...can we say "clean up on aisle 7?"

Caveat: Maybe this is the root cause of my blatant disregard for the grocery store, the fact that it doesn't accommodate the short people. My friends (and family) HATE grocery shopping with me, because I don't put things back in the proper place when I decide I don't want them. No matter what. What do I mean "no matter what?" I mean, that I can get something out of the frozen section, decide I don't want it and abandon it by the bread. What I hate is when I split a list with someone, and they get stuff that is on my list (WHY? Did they think I'd forget?) If this happens, and we meet up at some point (before checkout) I will toss that stuff out of my cart, and where it lands, it lands. But I digress...

5. You can't find jeans that fit!!

The average is often too long. The short is often too short. The tall...we don't even look at the tall jeans. Lucky for me, I kind of dig that totally frayed, ripped up look at the bottom of my jeans. Lucky, because that's what happens to nearly every pair because I have to walk on the hem a little (depending on the shoes I wear).

Caveat: Jeans can be hemmed/tailored. But I'm not paying $15 to get jeans hemmed!! The day I do that...I've spent over $150 on the pair of jeans. And since I don't see myself spending more than $85-100 (and $100 is really stretching it) for a pair of jeans, that day may never come.

6. When you hug your tall female friends...it's a little awkward.

My head is clearly boob level for a girl over 5'9" And so when a tall girl embraces me, often there is some grazing, maybe some "cushioning" that is a little awkward...and confusing. Do I like this? Do I dislike this? Where is this going? Is she going to call me later? Should I call her? I don't know what to feel!! It's a mess.

Caveat: This one was a JOKE! I actually thought about it though when making the list...and thought it would be a funny point. However, I have many tall friends. My bff is 6 feet, and we hug ALL the time. And to be truthful...I think my head IS boob level, but it's never an issue. I wonder why. Next time she comes to visit, we're going to have to see where exactly my head falls, which way do I turn my face... It's weird because I have no memory of that ever being a thought in my head. Interesting. Sometimes jokes spur profound thought.

There are SO many more things that make being short suck...and I may revisit them many moons from now when I become frustrated again.

There are good things too! I'll just name this major one:

Short girls can keep "He's taller than me" on their list of requirements for "THE ONE." Tall girls often have to give up on that. They have to settle for just being able to look him in the eye. And when they're not willing to settle for that 5'9" hottie...I'm waiting. Oh yes...I'm waiting.

And with that, I bid you adieu!